[June 23, 2010]

hey loves & comrades,

been working with assisting Sharon
Bridgforth with her latest work, blood pudding.  
this work is also being directed &
choreographed by Baraka de Soleil. 

please see more info on sharon's work below:

Sharon Bridgforth is the Lambda Award-winning
author of the bull-jean stories (RedBone Press)
and love conjure/blues,  performance/novel
published by RedBone Press. Bridgforth’s
work has fostered the study of black lesbian
performance literature in academic settings.

Sharon Bridgeforth on Afterellen.com

“We start doing a lot of things,”
she said, “but you don’t have to do
everything that you are able to do.
You have to do what you’re supposed
to do, and what you’re supposed to do
is take your deepest desire, expand it
and gift it and know that that is important.”

-----------------------------------------------------

[June 11, 2010]

loves & homies:

i have some new writing, are you down to read?
please have a look at this excerpt, yes.
been busy making and thinking and vibing
with powerful people.

special shouts to sunu and all her glorious
ways with which she writes/makes/creates
love for herself and the rest of us.

here we go now! 

[emotional prompt:
for hours we read old letters, tears too fast
for any river metaphor. i keep thinking, what have
we done? how did we get here?]

morning pages 11, june 2010:
mixing all the s/he origins 
-not in chronological order

she put her hand on my thigh right after i
walked stage  left, placed her fingers at
my jean pockets. hook-line- sink- her.

s/he threw up after charting up their
sadness, nestled their forehead into my
lapel and said why? why are you so nice?  

almost home, she ran every morning,
8 miles, kissed me awake at the cheek.
we never actually dated, but slept next to 
each other everyday. she made me a vegan
by default and at dinner parties, she never
mentioned her boyfriend who was miles 
away, but looped my wrists around her
hips like an illusion frozen. 

she had wished i was him. she said
so half-asleep once. 

continue & read more here.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

[June 2, 2010]

2 yr old eli is geeked about my EP. ahhh my
art is wholesome and such a good influence. here’s
a highlight from yesterday’s queens cultural festival
performance ] many thanks to sassafras lowrey
& queens pride house for hosting my performance. 

k: how old are you eli?

eli: choo choo train.

k: ah, i see. how did you feel about watching me
perform?

eli: candyyyyyyyyy!

k: anything else you want to add?

eli: *runs around in circles, stomps, and then
jumps into my lap.* 

things eli and i practiced to say to his mom: 

• face face face servin’ face.
• rainbows are beautiful.
• mom, i want a piercing.
• maganda ako.
• huwag matakot!

*to ruckus,
k. ulanday barrett

-----------------------------------------------------

[May 25, 2010]

dear ones:
i know helpless happens especially during
this time of racism and anti-immigrant sentiment.
hope this helps. here are some resources
to contact and create awareness around the 
DREAM Act and youth/immigrants who are 
undocumented, specifically around this 
campaign and LGBTQ immigrant rights. this isn't 
comprehensive, just off the top of my head:

for general info & understanding on
immigration reform:

• http://reformimmigrationforamerica.org/blog/  
•  http://www.immigrationforum.org 
• http://www.nilc.org/ 
• http://immigration.change.org/ 
• http://www.immigrationequality.org/blog/
  
  

how to get involved & active:

• email: getactive@thedreamiscoming.com 
• http://www.dreamactivist.org/
• http://www.dreamactivist.org/take-action-2/mock-graduation/actnow/
• for youth: http://www.iyjl.org/?p=716
• bay area: http://www.immigrantrights.org/opportunities.asp 
• in nyc/nj: http://q4ej.org/projects/immigration 
• in portland: http://www.westernstatescenter.org/our-work/uniting_communities 
• in philly: http://mediamobilizing.org/event/lgbt-immigrants-rights-philadelphia 
• lgbtq & immigration:
  http://immigration.change.org/blog/view/why_immigrants_
  and_the_lgbt_community_should_support_each_other

 

#21:

according to tumblr, hot queers are almost
always ultra-skinny and white. how tacky is
that? booowwwiinnng
(boooorrrring, in case you didn’t get that).

pssshhttt. not in my universe.

*lady approaches as i play with my dog.
dogdog is excessively drooling, common
courtesy of course.*

lady: excuse me… you live here?

me: yes, yes i do.

*dog lays down & pants.*

lady: what’s your birth date?

me: excuse me? why are you asking me
questions? do you work for the census?

lady: yes, yes i work for the census.

me: can i see the form?

*lady shows me the form*

me: birthdate is blahblahblah.

lady: your name?

me: my government name or my real name?

lady: your name.

me: (sighs) *gives government name and winces.*

lady: you live here alone?

me: yep. just me.

lady: what’s your race?

me: pin@y/hapa.

lady: *looks blank* excuse me?

me: my mom was from the philippines
and my dad was white.

lady: your white?

me: i’d prefer you put both filipino and white

lady: *blankly stares*

me: please check both.

lady: do you want to put down white?
*looks confused*

dog: *looks up and whines, rests chin on paws.*

me: could you please put down both?

partner: do you include sexual orientation on
the census?

lady: what? this is to help provide health
services and we don’t need your social security.

me: it’s ok. i understand.

lady: male or female? i will circle female.

me: *winces* i think there should be more
options than that.  *sulks*

lady: female.

partner: but you’re transgender and gay…
*laughs* that’s important.

lady: ok, we’re fine with the information we
have here.

me: have a great day, ma’am.

dog: *rests chin on my foot* 

-----------------------------------------------------
[May 10, 2010]

dear ones & loves:
here's to the greeen brussel sprout and all of
its ower. thanks to mar for revitalizing my
interest in these cute little baby cabbages
of savory scrumptiousness. this cheers me
up to cook, hope watching the vid does
the same for you, eh?

 

brussel sprouts [recipe 5/2010 RFP] from k. barrett on Vimeo.

 

 

*to ruckus,
k. ulanday barrett

 

-----------------------------------------------------

[May 6, 2010]

hey fancies:

just out of a sweep of performances and
now i can write you a little somethin' somethin.'
first off let me give some props to the following:

-lizzie from wesleyan for hosting and being
so hospitable. she got me my meals and
we got ot talk about campus queer life.
seems like the same patterns of hope
and change, so i am glad there are people
accountable to both in academia.

-leana from wesleyan for the drive and
the humor. queer pin@ys unite unite!
we gon' hit it up in queens and nyc haaa.

-sarah from wesleyan for your zine making,
conversation pushing, and critical thinking.
a good host and helper indeed!

-and lex for the drive back. under short notice
and with insight, you were a great last impression
from the wes perspective.

yeah y'all spoiled me. but i have to say there was
some amusing points. ones that shall only be
revealed on facebook in due time. [insert to
mischievous laughter].

in other news entirely, i am back in my home
routine, juggling PT and physical evaluations,
and writing. new poems are getting closer to
the chest, are pouring, but i'm always thinking,
watching and hoping for social change.
have been inspired by the usual suspects--
students who talk about action, fellow
poets and movers.  but in the opposite
direction, been noticing the rough dialogues.
those conversations where seeing eye to eye
impairs love, vision, compassion. to that
i quote the dearest alice walker:

“No person is your friend who demands your
silence, or denies your right to grow."

what do you think about that? i think
this is resonating, drum pounding,
body vibrating solance of a something
i need to help center. word? word.

more mumblings in the not-so-far off
future, i promise.

*to ruckus,
k. ulanday barrett

-----------------------------------------------------

[May 2, 2010]

dear ones:

please read the following. transphobia is too
prominent and we gotta outshine this
foolishness.

student attacked at CSU-- "IT" carved
on his chest:

 

"I’ve been terrified to come back to campus…
The person who attacked me knew my name…
pushed me back into a stall and carved “it” into
my chest.

For those of you that don’t know why “it” is
such a derogatory term, it takes away a person’s
humanity. It takes away their personhood and
makes them less than human.

Know that what happened to me didn’t just
happen to me – it happened to the entire
community… Those of us that are visibly
queer, those of us that are out about being
queer, are scared.”

-----------------------------------------------------

[April 25, 2010]

-----------------------------------------------------

[April 15, 2010]
poem written for nat'l poetry month 2010 

7/30: how a writer and soldier are related.

the guns you hold stole your breath,
took your name,
i don't know what it's like after all,

i only write things down because i have the time.
i only have seen pictures.
i only send email forwards and read articles.
JROTC in high school is my joke i tell
people.

you and i mutually have a discipline:
daily jumping jacks and daily stanzas.
a shift with a rifle and a shift with a pen.
these comparisons are too easy to make
and still we have a problem calling
to ask, "do you miss your mom?"

our mamas are finally together,
making their foods bent over and hunched,
instead this time no tears.

i never told you how i am terrible with
directions, but can faultlessly find my auntie's
tombstone. the song of a sister's tears
give a fine compass and i always watched
this.

here we are still living and even
the punching of keyboard keys or
the dial tone are the ways we run
away from each other.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

[April 2, 2010]

Kicked Out: New York Release from
Samantha Stark on Vimeo.

peace homies & friends!

happy poetry and asian pacific-islander awareness
month! thanks to everyone to went to the RECLAIMING
HEALTH FAIR brought to us by Audre Lorde Project!
the workshops

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

[March 22, 2010]

 

my peoples:

1. private salon in chicago was many things.
so blessed to perform alongside sarwat rumi and
sharmili majmudar, both who do such brilliant work
that i was swelled up with tears just watching them.
i was reminded by how straight male-identified people
get truly intimidated by powerful and articulate
women and LGBTQ people, even in our own brown
communities. despite this, i know that the world we
do is essential, is craft in the urgency, is something
i am in love with all the time.

still recovering from chicago's pace of food and
slowness. it was a well needed rest though. i'm
so thankful that i have places to land when the east
coast roughs me up a bit.

2. the opening for KICKED OUT at the Center was
a labor of love and some processing..lol. i don't discuss
my life as a youth or being kicked out that often, so
if you caught this reading it was a more intimate and
visceral experience for me. the other contributors
had me weeping all the way through. their stories
each so different and unique, every offering a
heartbreak and a talk of hope. you'll be able to check
us out at bluestockings again later this spring!

2.5. there will also be video available of my reading
coming soon provided by an xiao photography.

3. been trying to heal with food and grace some
creativity around what nourishes my body. have a
look will you? mmmm right at recipes for the people

4. above includes juices, sustainable and delicious
spots to eat and get yoru dessert on. self-care for
the belly is where i am at!

ok homies, i hope y'all messed up DC for the march
against the war in iraq, iran, philippines! i was
completely there in spirit, you know i was. i just
couldn't do all that walking, especially marching.
i assure you though, i militantly said a prayer.

*blessed and trying,
k. ulanday barrett

 

please see the luscious photos from the march 19th
kicked out release provided by wonderful
photographer jimi sweet:

 

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

 

[February 23, 2010]

[northeastern represent!!!! y'all were fabulous.]

hey homeskillets & movers:

i'm writing like whoa, reading and really
swimming in the writers that i love. this is
a mechanism of making winter, MY winter. 
this is gift to myself, this is privilege knowing
i have the time and safety for that cup of tea,
a sunlit comfy place to perch, a book or five
to lap up like a well-deserved meal. still not
in my dancing dancing and biking form
yet, i'm trying to make the best of the body
pause. goddess is just tryin' to tell me to
relax, son. so am in the lesson of
listening, something i always need more
of in my life anyway, the talker that i am.

thank you boston & northeastern university
for having me last week to round out
your asian american heritage month
programming! though there were few of us,
y'all lifted the building from it's foundations
with your support and energy. such a kind
group. plus y'all were hilarious. i asked the 
crowd to scream their crushes and someone
said "ARCHITECTURE!" how funny and yet
endearing is that? props especially to andy for
his hard work and kalee for her driving skills!

for more on my boston times check
out recipesforthepeople for my vlog
brown/out  if you haven't already. also take
note of the fierce foodie profiles about ready
to let loose some deliciousness.

and lastly many congratulations to
TransJustice of the Audre Lorde Project,
Housing Works, Queers for Economic Justice,
and the Sylvia Rivera Law Project for fighting
the New York City Human Resources
Administration (HRA) approves procedure for
serving trans and gender non-conforming 
clients this month! check out the updates
here:  audre lorde project- historic victory.
also see the video on brooklyn LGBTQ
community members fighting to keep
the infamous starlite lounge:

and lastly, i close out with more
photos from the northeastern spoken
word night.

y'all have a warm week and email me
updates i should share on this website
uniberse.

*no straighty!,
k. ulanday barrett


all photos taken by jennifer cheng.

 

-----------------------------------------------------

[February 8, 2010]

peoples--
check it check it now:

for more info see: http://kickedoutanthology.com/

many of the contributors discuss real situations,
conflicts, ordeals, and institutions that affect
the everyday life of LGBTQ youth today.
so many are still in the streets given indequate
support by the fostercare system, social
services system, and homeless shelter
system. not to mention the hot mess of
racism and transphobia that people
face re: police brutality.  i encourage you to
pick this up for you, for your friends, and for
any organizations you work for that serve
LGBTQ youth.

i'm excited to be reading my piece on
KBOO radio as well as have an interview
posted on my experience with being kicked out.
updates on both of these soon!

bringing you love and light on these
wintery days. i hope there's good soup
around and hot chocolate or your warm
beverage around. don't forget to check out
recipesforthepeople with some dope fierce
foodie profiles and more recipes comin'
up!

*to ruckus & light,
k.

so y'all, i leave you with an excerpt of my
story the hayop ka! chronicles: a queer
pin@y OUTcasted & in the streets:

"I know what you are thinking. Domestic violence
is domestic violence. But when immigrants of color land
here, are forced out here in the U.S. we have to re-invent
ourselves. My ma remembered and wept, contained
and contained, nothing was fair---the rent, the racism,
my family’s quiet lull after telling stories about back
home, my own bruises. Anyway, she was working late
night shifts into the morning, I was the one opening
books which isn’t a sacrifice in comparison, right?
She pushed out her happiness to live in this country
and I, I had to do the same. Besides this is the American
Dream we are taught: Be anything but who you are
and the rewards will come. I could allow this guilt. I
could sing the assimilation song. I could feel shrunken
as much as my own ma felt depleted day after day. It
became a labor was used to, a skilled task to accept
like doing chores or submitting math homework. I
accepted my inheritance of never feeling like I
deserved my dreams and let the colonization live
within me.


Rewind:
once, I remember a school teacher gazing at my
bruises during some pop quiz. that same spring
during recess as I rolled up my sleeves, he then
whispered as if in a code, “you know you can hit
them back. once you hit them, they shut up. It’s
what I did to my old man.”

he said this like we were blood brothers in the
same exclusive club. he had forgotten or
ignored the fact that straight girls and boys
are taught differently. girls don’t hit, it’s no
sign of conventional womanhood. surely,
white people can duke it out on one another
too, all epic poem and heroic bombast. this
is the disrespectful American who can do
anything. I was brown and didn’t think this
measure would have the same effect. he could
do that, brawl fist to fist with his father. he
would make it ritual as a manly man in a
white world. i couldn’t possibly, a girl hitting
her mother! my heart skipped. hit her back?
I froze. I stepped on his toes from the shock
and clumsily skipped back to my friends,
putting the idea away. it never occurred to
me, not once to do such a thing. hit her back."

-----------------------------------------------------
[January 30, 2010]

dearest loves & homeskillets,
if you are wondering what i am doing lately
whilst sitting on my ass, i am sitting on my
ass eating and writing, some of the time i am
eating and writing about eating. have a look
see:

recipesforthepeople

i am looking for fierce foodie profiles,
so if you are down for social justice and critical
food eating/making/growing and you identify as
a person of color, check out the site and
contact me.

otherwise, keep your eyes open for
some new performances, some radio blabbing
by me, and some more food jibber jabber.

i leave you, jane lui and her marvelous cover
of the the george michael classic "faith":


http://www.janelui.com/

[January 23, 2010]

free write: written in mid-december

she walks among spiders, chasing beautiful homes
and making them along the way.
she rocks there, her haven a sight in the
moonlight.

day arrives and it's rainstorm, it's dry heat, it's
never too late to build and re-build patterns that she hopes
will hold her weight and make her mark.

she coils her silk like tryst in the quiet of stars.
they look upon her, foil her glint no matter how
intricate she can imagines herself.
everyone observes her shame in this.

i am the dewdrops on her arms, slung on her
throat and pouring small songs on the nape of neck.
she is all strings and travel ways, a violin of
poise that sails with the elements.

i hope that she holds me and
she hopes i never run dry.
we a pact, an effortless intersection.

*light & ruckus,
k.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

[January 17, 2010]
peoples, i keep that hope thriving that
there is resistence in the world. i write
and breathe that we can ascend our
resignation, this brittleness that broods
our dreams.  today i sat quietly, practiced
patience, had a meal with friends
who have time and time cheered me up,
i read a brilliant writer who is my chosen
family.  i am blessed beyond scales and
measurement.

i am also sending good intentions to those
in haiti, those whose family members,
loved ones and friends who are holding their
breath. this absence, this sorrow is the
similar to many pilipin@s who when
realized the typhoons hit last winter
2009, were calling their families in
panic and terror.

please consider being critical with your
support/donations/relief. please support
organizations that are for and by haitian
communities first. only people who are
surviving can access and rise up from
the oppression and loss that they face.

on remembering martin luther king jr.,
remember he was a spec of a larger
movement. he was a small capillary in
a much larger river that led into a
worldwide movement of justice and
peace. so many people had/have
overcome and stayed late nights
printing flyers, taking care of the children,
kissing their queer lovers in secret after
the political marches, facing alienation
and incarceration, who faced the loneliness
of death, who did this because they believed
this world into more than the blood and
bone we take for granted.  so many warriors
and heroes and those who create joy
don't get the holiday named after them.
together, let's respect and expand a legacy
that was bigger than MLK, but a movement
where he was sewn and became an
inseperable part.

in his own words, he shares his views
on the workers and on international
solidarity:

"And so, as a result of this, we are
asking you tonight, to go out and
tell your neighbors not to buy Coca-Cola
in Memphis. Go by and tell them
not to buy Sealtest milk. Tell them not
to buy -- what is the other bread?
-- Wonder Bread. And what is the
other bread company, Jesse? Tell
them not to buy Hart's bread. As
Jesse Jackson has said, up to now,
only the garbage men have been
feeling pain; now we must kind
of redistribute the pain. We are
choosing these companies because
they haven't been fair in their
hiring policies; and we are choosing
them because they can begin the
process of saying they are going
to support the needs and the rights
of these men who are on strike.
And then they can move on town --
downtown and tell Mayor Loeb
to do what is right."

*to bravery beyond words,
k. ulanday barrett

-----------------------------------------------------

 

[January 5, 2010]

[December 1, 2009]
See k's mention in Chicago's Gaper's Block:
Queers to Hear: Kay Barrett

peoples;

i'm thankful for people who were sweet to
make extra effort to see me, drive me about,
assist with small things, and feed me.
hella feeling my saturn's return.

here's to hopeful things:
-having thick doses of sun.
-having ppl like robedic, quinton, coya,
sarwat be willing to scoop me up.
-politically downness without having to explain
everything.
-bea there for hospital with little stokely.
-zucchini.
-impromptu lunch & brownies with robedic.
-sarwat's bengali food.
-margie's icecream.
-having no thankskilling with mango family.
-fat trans positive poly talks w/ ang.
-leftovers.
-partner talks with imi.
-sue and her timelessly perfect food at PS. Bangkok.
-privilege & space to mourn, to be quiet, to allow.
-acupuncture w/ tanuja.
-knowing my art can move more than just
myself.
-people believing in me, this world, justice
and reminding me all the time.
-thinking about allisonjoy and i dancing together.
-friends being endlessly kind in taking care of me.
-letting release, to be taken care of, to
be loved even when vulnerable.
-opportunities sprouting creatively & professionally.
-babies in every city.
-being gifted a new bright tie.
-dre bringing me joy over the phone.
-poems still effective and powerful despite
my injuries.
-talking about homeland visits, family
expectations, and being queer all while
eating fresh pecan pie.
-being able to listen compassionately to
people i love and respect.
-old friends reaching out, having patience.
-sharon bridgeforth's grounded and kind ways.
-stuffing with cashews, cranberries, currants, apples.
-knowing some cities like my own breath.
-remembering my ma's smile.
-feelin' the beat and bass even if i can't dance.
-my landlord deborah being so fierce and
giving me a hug.
-powerful movements happening nationally
against deportation and ice raids.
-laughing & family night over vampire
watching.
-eating with my hands.
-byron bringing hot food over cuz i can't cook.
-blessings brought on by my dad every now
and then.
-karen holding vast space, showing me new ritual.
-my partner giving me a wonderfully clean
radiant home to come home to.
-people texting and messaging support right now.
-sushi with paiddro who's all ready to
visit nujeru.
-cornbread being so handsome as well as smart.
-the way allisonjoy smells and her handwriting.
-watching cornbread sleep and sigh.
-green bean casserole with fried onions.
-noticing i am looking like my ma more and
more and not being intimidated by it.

 

*ahh blessed be,
k. ulanday barrett

 

-----------------------------------------------------

[November 23, 2009]

and now, a video to feast your eyes on.
i find people who celebrate thingstaken
beyond  stuffing and food eating to be
problematic.

we must eat be educated about why we
are in the environments we are in. ohhhh
i won't scald you with my political fire...
instead, i will let the children of our world
do a dramatic interpretation of history's
events. the day of mourning isn't just
cranberry sauce and white smiles.

*peace out!
k. ulanday barrett

-----------------------------------------------------

 

[November 4, 2009]

wonderfuls;
thanks so much for your support and
votes and on-going dopeness for
choosing me to be on CAMPUS Pride's
Hot List 2009!

let's note the above photo as amusing
& a gift. church awnings should be
so truthful in the gay way. "think
pink" indeed! pastor le gay is too
much. hahaha. in the picture from
left to right: allisonjoy, ryan, and margarita!

a new update--
NOVEMBER 17th, Tuesday i will
be performing at Homolatte
as a special guest. chicago watch out
for me and stay up as i have some
glorious new work to share that
i think you will dig. also also, i may
be performing at Queer Pinoy Conference (QPC)

i will let y'll know if i'm fo'sho in LA
and if so, let's kick it! look out for
NOVEMBER 21st!

this is all i have for y'all thus far. some
secret under cover type ish: ongina
ryan from RUPAUL's Drag Race might
be performing for Barangay, but you
did not hear it from me

*to strength & ruckus,
k.

-----------------------------------------------------

[October 23, 2009]


lovelies---
please attend if you love broadway music and APIA artists! performers like rich kiamco and kevin nadal will also be blessing the stage for this 1st benefit for the victims affected by Typhoon Ondoy. all of our funds are going to AKAP BATA and BAGUIO LGBTQ Pride--- so please support the children and the Queer people doing fierce work in the homeland!

*light & ruckus,
k.

-----------------------------------------------------


[October 21, 2009]
yo yo and dang-- it's cold!

many thanks to the panel with members from FIERCE, the Audre Lorde Project, and the filmmakers.the event was held at NYU’s Kimmel Center.

watch this and bring them to your school/organization


-----------------------------------------------------

[October 8, 2009]


peoples---
how are your days? what you eating? where you sleeping? i attended the event held at Brooklyn Law School---" Transgender Hate Crimes: Victims, Their Families & Advocates Speak Out" which was tremendously powerful. my youth from the programs attended as well and their hearts were deeply touched by the difficult stories of Teisha Green's mom and friends. their voices held this silence, this mutual painful understanding by trans people of color that death happens too often and too frequent. the story from Carmella Etienne was also powerful as she spoke in the views of being a trans person of color and immigrant who survived a hate crime in Queens earlier this year. how do we create safety? how do we work with law enforcement or not? how does the media portray transgender people of color? all these questions filled the minds of the room. i cannot say that there was closure or less sadness. i can say that the youth in the room saw themselves speaking up. they asked questions about the stakes in this world and made big smiles with Teisha's mom as they hugged her, this woman who loved her daughter for all that she was.

i'm humbled in knowing that more and more queer people of color are getting the support they need from their families-- chosen and blood. i'm honored as an ally, an APIA person who witnesses thick racism happen like disease on black and latin@ trans youth. let us pray in our handfuls and cry when we have to. let us gather up all the laughter we've collected and hold it as armor close close by.


*to justice & action,
k.

-----------------------------------------------------


[September 29, 2009]
[current reading:
bulatlat.net: Typhoon Ondoy's Wrath]

loves, in case you haven't heard, central luzon is being deeply affected by typhoon ondoy and 700,000 people are displaced with almost 100 people killed.

today we had a gathering meant to be lighthearted, meant to feel rejuvenated after meetings for LGBTQ Pin@ys in NY/NJ where we focus, unite, process and build. but this is the way from being so distant from home. we are a children of the news: keeping our eyes pasted to television screens, our fingers typing frantically in wi-fi signals, our cell phones making songs and prayers by texts. we have family in the water, we have family whose mouths were hungry before all this and whose lives are catapulted onto more relief efforts and the need of saving. where is the "president" gloria through out all this? she's spent the relief money on amerikan meals and splendor. her people are always drowning in the elite privilege. she's stolen money that again, is not hers to begin with. doesn't that remind you of someone.. i don't know, like marcos!

the best we can do is take our own privilege and fuel it to the people, families, and organizations that need it most. share your resources, send money, speak about the u.s. philippine government that is yet again taking little accountability for for the suffering of pilipino people.

i will send updates on the relief efforts barangay is participating in as well as other organizations and agencies. we have contacted people in GABRIELA Philippines, Pro-Gay, and other peoples orgs to to donate what we can. Amerikans, don't buy those shoes or that 4 star dinner or the latest album and send those funds back home to rebuild and replenish your homeland! please, we can do this, we got this. sending love to our families, sending strength in the suffering, sending action beyond blood and borderlines.


*to hope hope & action,
k.

-----------------------------------------------------

[August 27, 2009]
[current reading: TIKIM- Essays on Filipino
Food & Culture by Doreen Fernandez]

in case you didn't get the memo, i'm pilipin@ and gay
...heeeeeeyyyyy!

also, yo people i have been eating lechon kawali every weekend. i can't say i blame my taste buds, but but i can say that i'm glad my job keeps me sweatin' and working on my feet.

attended a dope event at the Center last weekend to see Regie Cabico and people perform. sometimes i wonder where asian and pacific islander spirit has gone in the LGBTQ community. forgive me me for the existential bilge and blah, but i worry about us these days when we sit too comfortably in our chairs. i want us to reach for the loudest scream, to take our energy up beyond roofs or stages, for us to reclaim and shed this quiet docile asian rhetoric that plagues us like disease everywhere everywhere.

thanks to APICHA for the good foods and accessible hiv/aids testing for people. poz voices in the apia community are such critical and overlooked stories, i feel.

i was happy to see people perform again, to see ben perform his newer work and grow, to spit some work with my beloved on stage as as impromptu guest performer. nothing like the stage y'all that makes us stare right into your faces for all of us to be shaken up in some delicious and urgent form.

stay up mighty mighty makers. give yourself a treat of kindness, a song to dance to or a bowl of soup to warm you.

love always and justice always!

see you at this? y'thanks.
-----------------------------------------------------

[August 15, 2009]
[current reading: Fledgling by Octavia Butler]

------------------------------------------------------

[August 5, 2009]

hey hey peoples of various dopesness!
i am being swept away by summer as the beach is
big in my heart and the ocean and i have called a
truce, though i never know for sure if we broke up.
i've sun soaked and sandy toed up my days, not to
mention the picnic galore i have attempted to
make each time the beach calls my name.

aside from summertime, i'm writing letters by poems,
letting the postal service have its unpredictable
spirit bend my correspondence. i'm writing you
chicago, who i miss in fluttered craving, writing you
the painter who travels in so many countries the stamps
can't keep up, writing my mama who can only now
breathe my words without a sharp tongue
retaliation, writing you 'pinas-- i want buko and
my nephew and to talk to my lolo by cloud song.

creating and writing and facilitating and exhausted.
august, please remind us all to breathe and
look up at your skies once in awhile.... please?

join me as BARANGAY kicks back at Audre Lorde
Project's Annual Picnic:


in a less happier note, i have been carrying this with
me:
The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at
all, is inevitably that which must also make
you lonely. ---Lorraine Hansberry

any ideas on how this envelops us? threatens
or salvages us? being committed to a world and
social change still feels alienating.


--------------------------------------------------

[June 10, 2009]
what ruckus this world brings!
thank you for your swift stars,
your poems, your peace makers.

Audre Lorde Project/SOS Collective
had an awesome protest and rally
in BK:

77th Precinct's Racist and Homophobic
Attacks Against Lesbians!

so powerful to see hundreds of LGBTQ
peoples messin' the streets up and
seeking justice for some unacceptable
behavior by the law enforcement.
if you were there than you know how
uplifting it was to see QPOCS run it,
work it, and take action. ah collective
work, how breathtaking you are.

saturday the 7th was supposedly
philippine "independence" day
in NYC. i went for the meat on a stick
and not for the false reality of
freedom. it was like home to
see my militant fams even for a
bit. let's be truthful though-- i
was so there for the food and
not even there for the imperialist
fervor. you can't blind your
people with flags, t-shirts, and
delectable desserts. we don't
sway that easy. there's much more to
pilipin@ culture than the love of
pacman and pork-- although these
seem to be anchors, right? i loved
holding my beloved's hand in this
crowd. being queer with your
people is living a dream that i
am utmost thankful for. we trannied
and queered it up to represent!
as a.joy put it: "this is the one time i
was considering wearing a rainbow."
there isn't much i have to do to look
LGBTQ at these cultural events. i
pretty much just have to walk about
and my queerness shines through.
just to re-iterate: Free the Philippines
from U.S. Occupation! Justice Not War!

how is your Queer PRIDE doing so
far? i am a couple poems that are fresh
off my fingers and rooted from my
community. i am missing my ma. i
will write it again: i am missing my
ma.  poems and tables full of food
and proper cuddling time are feeding
me.  look out for new poems to be
posted soon.

*sending you queer beats & eats,
k.

---------------------------------------

 

[may 15, 2009]

yo shakers!

big props to the BUTCH Voices crew,
the Boston Progress Collective in
Boston, as well as to each and
every one of you that demonstrated
such glorious energy at these events.
i cannot imagine the ruckus being
any different than what y'all brought!

firstly boston/cambridge area:
jessica always is the kindest, offering
up her home, sharing late talks over
dishes of food. i love making
pamilya in every city. the QWOC+
people were also such sweet hosts,
dancing the night and hollering
props during poems. boston better
for such people and i'm glad to
have been a part. shouts go out to
biba also. i love sharing the plights,
perceptions, and ideas that get
under the skin of creating true
resistance.

my deepest apologies as i do not
have photos from either of these
performances as of yet.

will update more when my time
isn't as rushed. but to close out,
i'm truly thriving on the love
people rep and emanate every
minute i am on and off the mic!

---------------------------------------

[may 3, 2009]

people:
what is your spring mood and what has
your recent days delivered? were you calling
chants, your sweat next to your comrades

and sky of downtown bones? i'm sorry for
once i missed you, but my heart was there.
i couldn't escape work as i have just
started a new position. as your loud-
speakers ignited the air and as you carried
all the stories of the workers of your
family, your upbringing, the stories
of your father who laughed with you
with a green crayon in his hand. the
both of you brightly lit, filling in the
shapes of a coloring book. he made time
despite, hard hours, low pay. your sis,
who kept her savings for that perfect
vacation that never came. your lola
whose hands bent like old bridges, trying
to find path to elsewhere each night--
exposed to chemicals, cold weather,
twilight bus rides, rosary in her purse,
a sturdy promise. your lover, who each
morning at bedside looks thinner and
suprises you with a kiss on the fore-
head, not letting the blunt of long hours,
low pay, harden his/her/zie's adoration
for you.

mayday 2006, i performed a poem for
my ma, the same poem, the one where
"she kicks through the door, a wreckage
of labor..."

my chosen family yawping and spitting
out the factory hours, the papers, telling
poems to keep our hopes breathing. it
was the way chicago lilted, the way,
thousands of faces dug their eyes
in one solid and sure focus. we became
unified, for whatever reason, even for
the briefest moment.

i carry this kind of safety with me
at my new job, as i perform and travel,
how we hold each other during these
moments of rough economy and bank
buy outs, how my comrades, some of us
no longer share poems or share love
face-to-face. how i breathe you in
despite our differences and honor you
regardless of our political and personal
heartbreaks. they never taught us to
mourn one another, just to hold it
together. my mayday, this first week,
reminds me that your love is always verb
even though i may disagree with the
muscles of it. thank you for your
movements. you have taught me lessons
and i am still learning.

*to change we deserve,
k.

---------------------------------------

[april 19, 2009]


hey hey!
just wanted to share with you my latest project
brown/out which will be my on-going
video blog! i want this to come from
my trans/queer pin@y perspective and
hope to have speakers, event updates,
guests, interviews, and art sharing!
i feel as though for the APIA LGBTQ
community, there is little if any space for
us to share our daily ideas, concerns, and
laughter.

please help me cultivate this project as
it morphs and shifts. for one thing, i am
NOT a video/film maker whatsoever. so, see
this work as QPOC video improv. Asian & Pacific-
Islander LGBTQ voices are centered here,
but of course i welcome other perspectives.

feel free to email and comment to tell
me what you think, what you wanna
see, etc.

alright peoples. i am gonna frolic in
the sunshine while it still lasts.
hope you get to do some skipping and
basking today or better yet, both.
*to loving in verb,
k.

---------------------------------------

[april 13, 2009]
to justice seekers & shifters-
i want us to ask why we are labeled or
wrongfully stereotyped? why are we misrepresented
in the mainstream? why are do we feel
like we are shrinking? who does this and why?
how do we tell ourselves and our communitie(s)
that we are beautiful, boundless, something
to be reckoned with?

i'm caring less and less about these recordings
handed down to me from people and sources
that know nothing of my communities or my
undoubtable power. we must have the thickest
skin now, we must call out our truths and
act on them even louder.

firstly, understand that nothing about
this is right. all of us should feel shame:
11-Year-Old Hangs Himself after
Enduring Daily Anti-Gay Bullying

this was carl joseph walker-hoover. learn his
name. he was going to turn 12. he had a good
laugh i'm sure, he had a family that loved
him. bullying in schools isn't a soft issue
that goes overlooked. harassment in schools is
a constant pressure, something very real, and
as an educator, that behavior isn't acceptable.
it's my responsibility to listen to my
youth, pay attention to their needs. i wouldn't
have a job with out them, educators, be
grateful. if it weren't for youth and lgbtq
youth, you wouldn't have purpose.

secondly, i'm tired of racist and misconstrued
understandings of communities of color or
third world. regarding ongoing one-
sided coverage of piracy and somali people,
please seek to understand the nuances of
colonial oppression imposed on somalia(and it's
resources + people). the 20 second soundbytes
about the boogie men on cnn isn't cutting it.
it's the same script used on muslims in southern
philippines, people in palestine protecting
their right to life and not be occupied. the
formula is a colonial western one that negates
people's lives and minimizes them to
"terrorists." there's a deeper conversation
that you deserve. not this sugary puffed up
fake interpretation. people of color(poc) in the
u.s. and internationally have resources that
western/european/white corporations/gov'ment want.
these oppressive institutions like to loot
and steal and corrode poc resources and
space. this isn't a new paradigm, just one
that is a broken record. poc communities
are criminalized on purpose. there is no
accident or short-sighted happenstance.
this is done with much purpose and construction.

come correct y'all... thanks:


my prends & homies. i know ya'll know
better than this. i know we are some fierce-ass
world shifters who got this down.
let's continue to do the work with all the
love and compassion we got, yes!

---------------------------------------

[april 8, 2009]
what is april fools??! haha. get it? no..
oh.okay. FAM & FIGHTERS---
april as many of you know is a time to
celebrate asian and pacific islander americans.
since we only get one month, make it good,

daily, but you know. additionally, april is
poetry month. i love asians and poetry and
asian pacific-islander poetry.

lately, i have been writing and writing
and writing some more. this flurry has left
me with self-retreats of digesting large
amounts of poetry and writing equally as much.
my presents to you cuz we cool like that:

april 2009 / #1 / tanka
a duck quacks, hoping
the kids coated in grass stains
do not approach him.
they disperse in squeals as he
swims and snorts �what�s your problem?!�

april 2009 / #2 / triolet
when she dreams, she dreams of ice cream
and she is entitled to this at least.
if you could see her eyes beam
when she dreams, she dreams of ice cream
all day she grunts long hours, on the edge of mainstream./
however, she collects herself even when her hopes have ceased/
when she dreams, she dreams of ice cream
and she is entitled to this at least.

---------------------------------------

[march 26, 2009]
homies & kindreds,
thanks so much for all of your support at
the BK Museum 3/7/2009. the crowd was bangin,'
lively, and ready to get some APIA trouble
and truths in the air. faces that i recognized,
new spirits, and people who revel in social
change everyday whisked the air with a
collective sigh that was unstoppable! 450
people in the auditorium and anotehr 400
people waiting in line. i am terribly sad that
i missed some of you, that y'all couldn't see
the show. but this means next time we will
be on fire with even more ablaze for y'all
who missed it the first time!

spent the week reading, re-writing, working
on my new piece the hayop ka!
chronicles: a queer pin@y OUTcasted & in
the streets being published in Kicked Out Anthology
this is a small excerpt, so have a taste.

also, something to celebrate in magnitudes
is this book, The Heart's Traffic by Ching-in Chen.



this writing is rich, bountiful, and just
a lovely adventure to read. Ching-in toured
with the first Mangos w/ Chili Tour,
that i was also fortunate to be a part of
in 2007. please please support community
artists who deliver integrity and a sharp
craft to their work. i had the pleasure to
hear the work live again at Bluestockings
last week.

all in all, looking to be a powerful spring.
some new projects will be in the works, a
couple collaborations, so keep alert!
as i am writing my partner has brought me
delicious organic pizza with a bottle
of hot sauce and a tall glass of limeade.
i will not write about injustices in this
life right now. i will just tell you that
at this moment there is love and life
is goodness.

---------------------------------------

[march 1, 2009]
mango tribe // BK Museum MARCH 7th, 2009 TARGET 1st Saturdays // Come Out and support!

---------------------------------------

[jan. 19, 2009]


for your friends, lovers, partners,
teachers, homies, and belated winter
gifts

for a limited time only! $10, includes s&h.
ORDER by EMAIL: info@kaybarrett.net

---------------------------------------

[jan. 9, 2009]
freedom finders;
news years resolutions? winter assumptions?
spiritual conundrums? i promise you i have
had my share of these, but the tail of
2008 shimmered some sweet moments of
unsung understanding. i have declared
2009 to be a burgeoning year of humility for
myself and in this, we baked baked and
baked. i am not necessarily one for
precision as i sometimes ignore my virgoness
only to thrust haphazardly into decisions,
or improvisations-- some cayenne pepper
there, a skipped line forgotten here,
a trip or misplaced receipt too many times.
baking taps my impulse on the shoulder,
bribing with sugar and nutmeg and fruit
preserves. i hardly encourage this, however
when my friend r comes, we kick forth in
baking mode for an offering to the
goddesses and spirits, a trusty kitchen-aid
stand mixer to stir us on. a teaspoon is
a teaspoon, nothing more and certainly
nothing less. this stringent make or break
attitude nestled in good tea shortbread
cookies is something i needed with
chosen family.

since my ma has died, i have been on
recovery, with little happiness on the
holidays. my partner and i dwindle
sorrows underneath the snowstorms as
we quietly mourn for our dead. this year,
i made a little altar, said what i had to,
all the same allowing happiness by
stove or by r visiting or by being
a loving listener. this has made my 2009
promising.

am holding you and yours in my thoughts,
thankful to you for giving giving and
acting to seek justice for us everyday.

things that are yay:
-dogsitting new dog hudson who is
cuddly and plays well with cornbread.
-my partner who amazes me with thick
doses of laughter with no shortage of
my bedroom eyes at 3 years and running.
-my home, so warm and beautiful and
supportive.
-every performance and college and
workshop that reminded me why the work we
do is brutally magical.
-for m's ancestor gathering in honor
of her dad and brother. my heart opened as
wide as the church. to perform in a church or
any place of worship/sacred makes the voice
it's own cathedral.
-being spellbound by organizations and collectives
that do not simply make it, but make this life
worthwhile.
-s, r, fly, mar, sham, imi, many many.

1.) 10 steps you can take to help gaza

2.) edward said, how this world misses you

3.) interview with rashid khalidi | chicago public radio
interview with rashid khalidi | chicago public radio

4.) sending light to those in the bay/oakland
area and for oscar grant, his loved ones,
his community. this inhuman occupation is
not just out *there* y'all. we with u.s.
privilege have our own different struggles
to tend to.

---------------------------------------

[dec. 30, 2008]

my loves & dear ones;


this is not right. this constant murder
has no justice in it. my love goes out to
those in gaza. we must be in solidarity,
friends.

please see the following:
the world's message to gaza: no one cares

sending you hope this new year. thank
you for what you do i this world.

---------------------------------------



above is shorty roc, me, poetic assassin,
pandora scooter, & bry'ant at NJ PAC's
Hip-Hop Out Loud & Proud 3 this last saturday.
from obama to misconception of artists to
queer haikus, the night unraveled a roller
coaster of maximum entertainment had by all.

more updates on my frenzied weekend
soon to come. phila then newark and then
phila and then jersey city.

i am now going to now partake in cupcakes
galore with my family as a gift to my traveling
and working fabulous exhaustion. the a.joy
and m. are trying to stay awake until
red eye flight in four hours. sugar WILL be
the way.

to leaves to leaves to leaving!

---------------------------------------

[nov. 12, 2008]

join me in philly this friday, won't you?


---------------------------------------

[oct. 28, 2008]
minneapolis memories are good memories.
won't even talk about the belly memories
the midwest brings. aside from being all
homofied, mayday cafe's croissants were
again illustrious, not a one or two-time
stunt. you know when you think about
something that tasted so dreamy that your
recollection alone has to be an exagerration?
it can't possibly be THAT good. you
think you are being nostalgic. people---
these croissants are not that fictive food
that bitterly disappoints when you are
re-united.

and if i miss the croissants that much,
one can only imagine how much i miss the
people, crowd, the chosen family, and
midwestern hospitality!

here's a photo show of midwest-ing fall
2008(part 1):


the loft: EQ crowd! y'all roll deep.


the crowd is laughing at me, i bet.


kay robot v 2.0, a limited edition.


bao phi doing his charismatic host thang.


imi rashid & cornbread, post-performance.


elakshi, imi, sarwat, kay, a.joy, & bao.
our bellies were stuffed. oh. so. stuffed.


beautiful autumn. foliage is cool!


chamindika & kenji's garage


allisonjoy doing reiki with a lovely baby.


sarwat is witnessing the impossible.


pamilya portrait w/ giant hipster elephant!


sarwat & imi. i love them. this picture only confirms
my love.


a.joy & imi had never heard of cheese curds. it
was our duty as partners to introduce this
potion of cholesterol & magic. culver's is
only appropriate on roadtrips, by the way.

cornbread window gazing & admiring the
fall colors.

look out for more photos of chicago
adventures & happenings. i'm going to
get all bundled up b/c my beloved is taking
me out on a date. we are having malaysian
food and a movie night. something has to
occur to curb this binary political system
ridiculousness. loving in the war years, huh?
hope y'all turn inward and find what is
freshest about you during this time. don't
let the lack of sun get you down.
if it does, email me, we can have a friend
date involving crafts, board games, or
cooking.

---------------------------------------

[oct. 20, 2008]
lordissa!
i haven't had the time to write as much, so
my apologies as i am on the road or resting
my way into another city or workshop or
open-mic or some place willing to have
me. it has been lovely so far and the mid-
west likes to take its time with my heart
and rush it all at once.

MANY MANY thank yous to The Loft & EQ
project, specifically bao phi for supporting
my work and maintaining such a dope space
for poets and spoken word artists to share
their work. i was treated with kindness and
the minneapolis crowd knows who to rock it!
y'all were mad open and receptive. the lunch
on 10/11 was impressive as queer people of
color and pocs filled hands with food and
opinions and laughter. people shouldn't
sleep on the midwest, it's difficult to
work, to unite here, because of the embedded
racism and not to mention up-south tend-
encies that chicago specifically may have.
it's black and white, here-- asians and
pacific islanders must fight to maintain
our own discourse and community. so sitting
and talking and hearing about minneapolis
and the queer of color scene there, was
something accountable. how do we get push
for cultural work beyond gender binary? how
can we motivate out politiks in a way that
acknowledges all our selves---- without
being divisive? met good people who know
what's up. caught up with people i need to see/talk with more often.

there will be pictures on the way very soon
of the road trip and poetry times, not forget,
the food of the midwest. i have my winter
layer on people!!! the meat consumption and
gluttonous portions need to stop...well
maybe. i look forward to sharing photos with
you. yes yes i do.

---------------------------------------

[oct. 2, 2008]
NEW POEM:how the philippines can talk

Being amerikan,
you draw in a journal about escape
plans, arcing a fiction
of getaways �here you cannot ease your
way into a caf�, or walk to a bus station
without being stared down,

"ma'am?' they'll say glimpsing to the haircut,
then cutting pupils towards the breasts.
feminist queer theory has no grip as you buy gum
at a store near the sleeping goats, or hold
breath next to the baskets
in a northern province.

Your family scissor words as your name skitters
to the floor----
Tomboy, I hear, fat, dark, like a man
Titas shift the kanin on their plates as though
they could trim your fat, extend the length of
your hair, sprout a loudmouthed
husband at your side,
all with the slightest bent joint.

Then they turn to your beloved, exercise syllables
like she's supposed to parade in them
So tall, so thin, your skin so light like a model�
you can't be Filipina,
Koreana ka ba?

The comparisons are said the same as any harmless
observation. convictions of divide and conquer
are tossed like habits.

there doesn't have to be a white man
to make these claims. Our own people learn how
to harm enough, choose the right words, translate
to English without flinch.

you both can hold hands because
this is what friends do.

After midnight you assemble your limbs back to
their rightful place as you rid the pressure formed
by all day heat and no privacy.

Poverty is two small bedrooms shared by everyone
at anytime and you hate that you want to go
home, ache for your bed.

Mostly, you hate the fantasies of sand & revolutionaries
right before the plane left the ground.

|
---------------------------------------

[sept. 29, 2008]
homies!
it's almost almost hot cocoa time.
don't be fooled. just embrace the
scarves (though please, the keffiyah
being co-opted for hipster fashion
is NOT cute), the snuggling under a
blanket and the hot soups. plus squash
is a good thing. one of my favorite things.

so as you partake in your hot cocoa, squash,
soup, and snuggling, enjoy some
afternoon reading with my latest work
transboi acknowledgements & rant
featured on brotheroutsider.org

special thanks to TJ Fleming whose work
behind this vision is noble and
hopeful for trans masculine, FTM, and
genderqueer people out there.

vote vote VOTE for my piece, "transboi
acknowledgements & rant" too!

|
---------------------------------------

[sept. 18, 2008]
hello lovelies;
been captivated by many people as i've
turned my 27 years of age and have been
pretty blessed to be immersed in powerful
souls and places.

my birthday gatherings went smoothly
with ypga class being a way to share
self-care with my friends & chosen fam.
to have a look at the class i attend, please
see: doreen kramer (b.y.o.b. yoga),nyc.

so the birthday gathering was good
the spirit and belly. some notable dishes
include: veggie lasagna, baked bangus fish,
some delicious chocalate contributions,
indian food, and of course a hot mess
of a time playing apples-to-apples. if
you haven't seen a game with politically
astute of color people and good food,
there is something missing.

will write more later, yes? yes.

|
---------------------------------------

[aug. 29, 2008]
things soon:
-9/5: rivers of honey feature.
-9/15: my born day!
-9/21: naascon / sulu feature.
-9/24: beloved's born day!
-10/9: dyke-mic chicago feature.
-10/11: equilibrium project @ the loft.

is the summer really sneaking around?
where has she disappeared to?
can i eat enough cobbler to fill me all winter?
should i make preserves right before harvest?
have i sent in my press kits?

i'm already layering clothes, ready to
buckle down and re-fashion myself
in relation to the heat. my scarves are
eager, knowing i check them out from the
corner of my eye. i've been unpacking more
boxes, separating piles for storage, for
keeps, for cleaning up. the best is when
i find a photo of myself as a small thing.
maybe my dad has propped me up against
an 80's plaid couch in a trailer in the
midwest and you can see my body tilt
like the side of a mountain. another
might show me stuffing raspberries into
my face, my hands in a less jovial
world look a bloody mess. my ma is
laughing in a summer dress, trying to
clean me up and behind her, all the
trees in full green-- exuberant.

currently, people are having babies. like
my friend bea for instance. congratulations
to her, her journey with her child who is
all brand new and handsome/beautiful
as a seedling, already with a frohawk,
already making demands in his basic
rights--food, sleep, shelter....we all know
how much i love the babies.

and now some thing older, yes? yes:
things that i wrote/scribbled 4 years ago:
(july 24, 2004)
today i took the kimball bus and
before that, walked three blocks.
the ankle became a football or softball
sized(take your pick) swelling. but
i did manage to count the patriotic
u.s. flags on the house on belmont and
kimball. there are 18 total cascaded
with bumper stickers, flags, ribbons.
oh you have only 16 on your house?
terrorist.

(july 26, 2004)
story:
a filipino queer acquaintance of mine
was beaten up in boystown by another
queer person who was white. the police
arrived and questioned the perpetrator's
friend who was a witness, but did not
document the statement from my friend whose
leg was swollen and bleeding... that
is until he called the police from the
hospital and the same cops arrived again.
along with the halsted 3, i am wondering
how police brutality, racism & queer hate
persists unrecognized and without
law enforcement accountability.

(august 10, 2004)
writing was dangerous, like making
love the way you should.
-eduardo galeano.

(august 24, 2004)
rhoda says to john (age 3) in a
motherly cooing:
oh look, you have new balance
shoes like your papa! they used
to be based in the U.S as unionized
workers & now they moved to exploit
in china!

|
---------------------------------------

[aug. 24, 2008]
awwwwww watch out now! i'm featuring
with many splendid and gifted queer
women & trans people of color at
Rivers of Honey. greet all the
virgo spirits with your applause.
we'd love it if you came out and kicked it!
on my end, expect some new pieces. i
will also be receiving cupcakes,
recipes, and any kinds of delights
for my upcoming born day. have a lovely
night y'all and a belated happy
jersey city pride!

|
---------------------------------------

[aug. 12, 2008]
hey fabulous peoples;
back from boston and reveling in my home
in jersey city. thanks to everyone at:
Queer Asian Pacific Alliance
QWOC+Boston
Truth Serum Productions

all your support and hard work were
a good welcoming and everyone had a dope
time! QWOC Week had a turn out that was
amazing and it was hopeful to see queers
of color stepping up, embracing our own
stories, and to see boston in a clearer
browner/blacker way.

i featured with dope people like the
good asian drivers during
this trip as well as letta neely, judah
dorington, and of course the fly ignacio
rivera.

the night was lit by some fierce songs
performed by judah, whose voice looked
wonderful in a genderqueer and drag body.
teddy p. sounded very bold, smooth,
and queer! who can ask for anything more?
i. mean. really.

the good asian drivers ripped it!
i am familiar with their work and though
this was the first time seeing them live,
i was happy to co-feature and share stage
with gifted queer/trans asians! what a concept.
i love the truth that music brings and when
you combine that with some fine slam poetry,
it is a very good time.

as we all know, ignacio rivera knows
how to shock and shake and engage a crowd.
with his sharp stylings and honest monologue,
the show was full of hungry faces in the crowd who
deserved more trans voice and luckily, got it with
excerpts from ignacio's previous production.

forgive the blurry:

the line up.

the lovely crowd @ middlesex!

ignacio tearin' it up!

the performers!

me & liz -- pin@y queers unite!

jessica, kay, kit right after performance!

biba, kay, jessica: APIA social justice educators are awesome.

the night followed by a weird discussion with peoples
about dancecrews, shane sparks' homophobic
commentary and more on APIA women and queer's
depiction in the mainstream. this is all chugged
down with what else, but late night pizza.

also, part of my boston trip was brunch @ a
joint in dorchester that had tasty vegetarian
vietnamese food. however, there was some curious
coffee processes happening with mellisa li, as shown
here:



the day went into empty plates and happily
full bellies here:


and last aspects of my trip included dancing
dancing all over the place, my partner's late
night dropping by via super long roadtrip, and
also the open-mic at:


in a crowded room, steamy and packed with books,
some rapped, beatboxed, read from children's
books, and shared personal story. ed bok lee
was the feature and without a doubt, took
some breath away. there is something about craft
and the sheer elegance of language in his work
that i admire. so pleased to have seen him live.
it was like a long-awaited present after all
the work this week and this summer has demanded.
please see him online: edboklee.com

ahhhhhh, over all, a lovely trip to boston.
thanks to jessica's home & outright hospitality
that made this trip fun and welcoming. thanks
to amanda for dancing and hanging out, eating
pasta late into the the night. thanks to
QWOC+Boston for support. thanks to my lovely
partner & puppy for the road trip.

my closing thoughts:
white people step back! queers of color STEP UP!

*mighty all over,
k.

|
---------------------------------------

[aug. 2, 2008]
come by! we're gonna be off the chain,
so support please.



|
---------------------------------------

[july 26, 2008]
makers & growers;
the summertime has sent offerings that renew
me, build this community into change,
bringing joy big big stretches that make
the months of june & july rich and warm
in my heart! i am thankful for these:

- people via boston & chicago bringing kindness
and soul spirit real good via beach, sun, food,
love for my puppy.
- rebecca(my person) bringing east coast some
midwest comfort with baked goods, laughter,
old stories, well put together outfits.
- new recipes for collard greens, peach cobbler,
and in every way farmer's markets that make my
heart flutter.
- brunches that swell into testimony, limeade, the good
kind of gossip, and political upheaval.
- working on submissions for projects i am glad to
be a part.
- loving my partner deep.
- cornbread the puppy graduating from basic training
and well on z's way to becoming a therapy pet!

i'm headed to boston in beginning of august people for
QWOC+ Boston event and feature. those of you out
there, please give a shout and join QWOC+Boston for
their fly events.

*love all the way,
k.

|
---------------------------------------

[july 23, 2008]
hey beautiful peoples;
please read the below and circulate widely.
leah and cherry do amazing work and i am proud
to have worked with them during the 2007 mangos
w/ chili tour.

SUPPORT Queer People of Color Art!
Donate what you can and if send some good
intentions.

thanks for your time, friends. hope your
summers are swinging you spirit into
rejoice and collective ruckus.

*ever in love with summer,
k.

|
-----------------------
MANGOS WITH CHILI the floating cabaret of queer and trans POC bliss, dreams, sweat, sweets & nightmares �writing ourselves into history since 2006�

Dear Community Members, Lovers, Fighters and Friends,

Maybe you�ve seen us on a stage near you. Maybe we�ve shaken our asses next to yours on the dancefloor at Bibi or Butta. Maybe we�ve celebrated a birthday together, held each other through loss, laughed together in backstage dressing rooms, fed each other, or swapped resources. In short, we�re writing you because we consider you part of our larger family in the Bay Area and beyond. And although you may know us in one of these, or many of these capacities, we write to you today as the Co-Founders and Directors of Mangos With Chili.

Founded in 2006 by us, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha and Ms. Cherry Gallete, Mangos With Chili began as an annual touring cabaret of queer and trans people of color performance artists. Our breakout 2007 tour took 8 queer and trans performers of color to cities and stages throughout the Northeastern United States and Canada. With no core funding and mostly grassroots publicity, Mangos With Chili was a phenomenally successful tour. We raised our budget through grassroots fundraising and door revenue, and were able to pay artists a fair wage, in addition to covering all travel and housing costs. The show packed world class theaters, underground performance spaces, and campus halls, including Buddies in Bad Times Theatre in Toronto, C-Space in Cleveland, Swarthmore College, Cattyshack in New York, The Black Repertory Theater of Providence, Theatre Juste por Rire in Quebec, and more. Audiences everywhere thanked us for both the high caliber of work and the life-saving importance of the testimonies we shared through our art.

In our scant two years of existence, we�ve done incredibly well. In June 2009 we will present a powerhouse showcase of new performance by QTPOC artists in conjunction with SF Pride 2009, and will be presenting an event in collaboration with local organizations on queer immigration this fall. Our 2008 Queer Borderlands tour will take us down the California coast and across the Southwest from October 10-26. Featured artists will create new work addressing the themes of border transgression, migrations, deportations, relocation, displacement, legacy and the struggle to create new worlds. Our 2008 Mangos superstars are: Qwo-Li Driskill, Zuleikha Mahmood, Vixen Noir, Nar, Chica Boom, Tre Vasquez, Nico Dacumos, Ms. Cherry Gallete and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha.All are extraordinary artists and trailblazers in their own right with impressive work and credits to their names.

We write to you today because we need your support to continue thriving. This year we secured fiscal sponsorship through CounterPulse, an awesome performance space based in San Francisco. This means that we can now apply for grants as a 501(c)3 organization. Unfortunately our 2008 tour is soon approaching and we will not receive any funds until after the tour is complete. We need funds now to cover initial tour costs such as buying artists plane tickets to the Bay, renting a van, and paying for promo.

We�re reaching out to you because we know you believe in the power of art to save and transform lives, because you love and support queer and trans people of color in the arts, and because you understand the importance of community institutions. Community institutions like Kitchen Table Press, Aunt Lute Books, Bamboo Girl, Sister Vision Press, Audre Lorde Project- all of them profoundly saved and transformed QTPOC lives. They also were grassroots projects that inherently survived because of community support � because people in their supporting communities refused to not let them survive. We know some of you have a little. We know some of you may have a little more. We welcome whatever you have, from $5 to $50 to $500 to $5000 and more.

You can make your tax-deductible donation at:
http://www.counterpulse.org/donate.shtml.
Please enter �Mangos with Chili� in the Project Designation field. You may also mail checks made out to CounterPulse with �Mangos with Chili� in the Memo Line to:

Mangos with Chili c/o Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha 336 40th St., #4 Oakland CA 94609

In 2008 Mangos with Chili remains the nation�s only traveling cabaret of QTPOC artists. We have received positive media coverage from Bitch and Make/Shift magazines (making Bitch�s Summer 2008, �Bitchlist: Things We Love�) as well as in independent and campus media and raves from audience members for reflecting the lives and stories of queer and trans people of color. In the coming year Mangos with Chili is also working to establish itself as an Oakland based arts organization. In doing so we will create a home for queer and trans of color art in Oakland, create a cultural institution that gives QTPOC artists opportunities to create new work and reach new audiences, and inspire, nurture and support future generations of QTPOC artists, while celebrating the incredible presence, contributions, resiliency and survival of queer and trans people of color in Oakland.

We need your support to continue doing this work!!! Together, through community based arts we can speak out in response to the daily struggles around silence, homophobia and violence that QTPOC of all ages in all corners of the world face. Together we will write ourselves into history, and make sure the lives and stories of queer and trans people of color are documented, treasured and remembered. And together we can, and we will save and transform lives.

Please contact us at mangos.with.chili@gmail.com with any questions, booking queries, requests for more info, or ideas about how you can help support our necessary work.

In love, lip gloss and revolution,
Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
Ms. Cherry Gallete

|
---------------------------------------

[june 29, 2008]
hey my peoples;
the week has been overflowing with queerness,
collective growth, and mainly taking in
my new home amidst the queer holidays.
i went to NYC Trans Day of Action for
Social and Economic Justice w/ a dope
person and also new east coast transplant, tj.
to see his work as it manifests or to
contribute see: brotheroutsider.org
look forward to photos and reflections soon!

in a brief rundown:
-it was nice to see old folx i've known from
back in the baby queer days and see that we
are still doing good work for ourselves &
our communities.
-it was fulfilling, spiritually & politically
to be around and centered by trans people
of color. it is something i have never
witnessed or contributed to in the midwest.
transness is very white as far as political
exposure and vision, so to see trans
women of color and immigrants doin' their
thang is something mighty for me.
-the speakers including imani henry and
people various organzations like fierce!
were powerful, complex, and excellent
nourish.
- yo props out to all my trans of color
fam in chicago..you know who you are!
i was carrying you with me.

alright homies, i'm going to give you
a more serious update with detailed
deliciousness soon. be safe as you
party and celebrate our brilliance and
over all fabulousness as LGBTQ community.

*in solidarity & ruckus,
k.

|
---------------------------------------


[june 18, 2008]
happy happy pride!
as in queer, as in trans, as in gay.

many thanks yous to SULU Series:
Asian Queer Spectacular for the
lovely people, poetry, music, and laughter.
it was homofied and fabulously reppin'
people of color.

summuh summuh time offerings:
1) i was accepted in this anthology:
Kicked Out Anthology

2) venus zine: reader of the week--kay barrett

also, a random act of cuteness:

me and a.joy's kid, cornbread siopao.
some of you are aware of this, but i believe
that my puppy looks like the of color
version of the luck dragon named "falkor"
from the film neverending story. |

---------------------------------------


[may 4, 2008]
again with the tug of chicago, back
and forth. i have chosen pamilya here
who need little explanations for my quirks,
who sit well with scattered goals over
another tostada or another sigh of missing
someone i've lost. i can make my treaties
without words in these safer spaces. i can
be big here, be someone to be believed in
and not so lonely all the time.

17 days in chicago and my partner has
given countless reiki treatments. see her
website---allisonjoy reiki.

reciprocity fits her, wakes her up with
purposeful grins.

more later once i am back in jersey city.
back to airports and luggage dragging.
|
---------------------------------------


[march 28, 2008]

yo y�all;
a belated spring equinox to you
and women�s international day. thanks
again to columbia college and to all
of the people who came out to show love,
support, and dialogue afterwards.

things about chicago that make me swoon:
-tacos, any kind, any time. mexican food
don�t play in the chi-il.
-walking in the sun in humboldt park.
-mentors.
-warm walls in sarwat�s home.
-knowing exactly where to go.
-blackberry pie a la mode.
-high high ceilings.
-emotional and spiritual landmarks.
-remembering my ma.
-deep house music until 3am.
-kickin� performance pieces to people who
truly understand the references & the growth.
|
---------------------------------------


[feb. 13, 2008]
hey peoples;
been movin up in the world by writing
as much as i can, unfurling my body and my
aches word for word. a belated happy lunar
new year! we had siopao, bok choy, all kinds
of delicious root vegetables, all kinds of round
shaped desserts for the new year. it just so
happens that i am feeling my age this winter.
as i take walks more and stretch more, this
upcoming year must be a challenge because
it's already so apparent. one breath, two breath,
three breaths. again, i have lost another person
vital to my life and again, i am thinking about
death and how we shift our lives to live, despite
the wars, the silence, the resentment, the missing.

look out for new projects with creative counsel
and their 1000 voices project, as well as a
couple performances in the good ol' chi-il
including a "queer in color" showcase at
columbia college MARCH 17th.

i'm maneuvering my heart and how my last
two years-- this grief of loss as managed to
thin me out, hurt the people that i love.
what do you do when unexpected obstacles
make it hard to recover? i make recipes and
write late into night. i made a shake that
shakes my blues away-- temporarily:

-1/8 cup frozen/ripe raspberries.
-1/8 cup frozen/ripe blackberries
-1 cup soy milk
-1/4 cup water
-2 tblesp. heavycream
-pinch of brown sugar
-4 icecubes
-two organic truffles/ 2 squares of ghirardelli
dark chocolate.

mix well in blender and serve.
serves 2

send me love and intentions. i send you
this recipe. expect a newsletter soon.
*k.

|
---------------------------------------


[dec. 26, 2007]
UPDATED KAY on NPR/Chicago Amplified.

peace & in solidarity, happy kwanzaa.



i'm striving to understand collective,
what it means to rise within and
without. i'm seeing these days as
repair and realization. there's no
snow in the 40 degrees of jersey city.
global warming only brings us spring-
like weather as raindrops mist parols
leaning against window panes. they sit
still and i count them, there are over 11
on my block. i don't generally observe
the christian aspect of them, but the
craftmanship and artful radiance i think
they bring. peace on & on, y'all.

|
---------------------------------------


[dec. 19, 2007]
heyyyy peoples! to ease your winter blues,
sniffly noses, and heavy hearts i send you
some KAY on NPR/Chicago Amplified.

just getting back in the swing of things
i write more now and try to craft what
happens inside me into something tangible,
powerful. we'll see what winter and the
2008 brings.

---------------------------------------


[dec. 7, 2007]
thank you many times to christine goodman
& arthouse productions for welcoming me
jersey city-style! i kicked some new
stuff and saw old kasamas who trekked
from the city to jersey city. i'm blessed
to have that kind of support. no nunchaku
injuries as of yet, keep your fingers crossed.

got a new hat. instead of getting a new life
or getting drastic changes hauled into my days,
i decided to start small and get a new hat.
photos of the arthouse performance and of the
new snazzy hat coming soon.

i don't know what i have been doing to
honor death fully and seriously or even
loss for that matter. i've lamented over
chicago in ways that surpass food-- i know,
didn't think it could be done. ah, but my
newest food crush: ROTI BOTI SHEEHAN
in jackson heights, queens. their gulab
jamun is nearly perfect. nothing is better
than open 24 hrs. a day & delectable garlic
naan.

i miss my former students who i
worked with at senn high school and
at the chicago freedom school.
sometimes i even get moments of teary eyes
thinking about my old slam team i co-coached.
i miss being an educator who felt truly
supported. i miss the poems made re-write
after re-write and no longer forging the pen
into discipline, but looking up to a roomful
of youth who drink their own words, who
thirst and savor syllables and who are upset
by the words "times up." i haven't gotten that
here. being so busy with polite and reserved
forms of teaching and having to educate
my boss, co-workers, etc. on homophobia/sexism
is a disservice to the youth. i'm calling
universe to grant me some truth for the
work i was set to do here. i'm calling on
grit to have busy back-to-back projects
that feed more than my bills.

my friend margarita is visiting from batanes,
philippines and i've been akin to reuniting
her gradually to the belly ways of gluttonous
north amerika. when i visited PI last summer
we had the opportunity to be in alaminos &
eat the most delectable seafood. the homeland
does it so right. jersey city diner diner food
and "the spud" are ridiculously satiating,
but i want to teleport out of here sometimes,
only to land at a summer picnic table
or at my uncle's house in pangasinan with
perfect tortang talong every morning.

random thought lately:
been thinking about what sharon bridgeforth
had mentioned during my oberlin visit last
november. how i've let it sit within me.
she says she asks her students to examine
their relationships to their mother, then their
mother's mother. when i think of my lola
i only remember a lonely lost face in
middle michigan. i remember her expression
when she fell on the icy sidewalk after
church mass, the blood a scorching contrast
to the pale snow crawling from her ear. i remember
her popping raw rice grains in a bowl of
water as i shivered from nightmares, her
prayers wafting above my head, her magic
and coconut oil massaged onto my sleepy
belly. i fought her healing ways, undid the
curses i couldn't dare to fathom only to
make truce over gameshows like 'family
feud.' my lola and i would forge a bond
'over wheel of fortune,' share snacks
during commericial breaks without a
word exchanged.

i'm steadily trying to honor my losses,
press them upto my skin this winter &
love the glory of their mourning, of ache,
of hibernation. i'm prepping for the altar
i am to put away. a letter from my ma
propped upon candlewax and malong cloth,
if it's cold enough, death will take my
tears again this winter.

*to healing again,
k.

---------------------------------------


[nov. 24, 2007]
ohh oberlin! thank you juli, jack, TAG, &
everyone for showing me kind spirit
for the trans day of remembrance event.
watch out now! i did nunchaku on stage
and people didn't flinch..hahaha.
performance art can be mad dangerous yo.
it was wonderful to step back from the
citylife and organize my thoughts.
i built altar, let silence in, feeling grounded
so far away from home. i used to travel
too often with my partner in another
city, with mango tribe, as well as my
own solo gigs. now i feel as though even
performing out of state is a vacation.
besides, on the plane i like being called
a "nice young man." by the passenger next to
me.

do you ever forget how you got to where
you are? seldom moments hit me and
i have trouble navigating exactly what
happened to motivate my choices...
then i remember OH! thaaaat's right, you
are queerphobic or racist or whatever multiple
oppressions mainstream people like to
minimize. truths at random: i think i'm losing
faith in my elders, in the people who consider
themselves to be "pioneering." i'm having less
hope in books and more in my pots, pans,
the letters & postcards i have yet to send.
lastly, listening to luther(as in vandross)
makes me ache the secrets of myself right
out. how could someone be so gifted &
so painfully contained?

well kasamas & peoples, i have thus far
eaten about three bowls of mashed potatoes.
these are the ever important chronicles of
a social justice spoken word homo, like
myself. be as good to yourself as possible, yes.
also, if you want leftovers, at my house is
the best possible pecan pie there ever was.
you better believe it!(struts toward the kitchen)

---------------------------------------



[nov. 12, 2007]
1.
yooo everyone! see y'all in ohio &
also in staten island. trans day
of remembrance is november 20th.
let's honor our trans pamilya and
ourselves. like many other oppressed
peoples, it takes more than a day
to commemorate our dopeness &
survival.

1.56
thanks to everyone at the YELL!
Coalition for the opportunity to
facilitate a self-defense 101 work-
shop last saturday. BGLTQQ of
color people are in dire
need of different forms self-defense.
i consider protesting, organizing,
lobbying, music, poeticizing, perf-
orming, being, socializing, all of that
some form of resistance. there is
room to truly enhance our strength,
especially in terms of self-care.
let me be clear-- i don't teach
violence. conversely, we have to
understand that our beings are
at war. hate crimes and attacks
are rampant and in times of the
NEWARK 4, we must delve into
creating of color queerhood that
is safe, that claims, that grows,
that reminds us that we deserve
safety. in what ways can we be at
peace within our bodies?

2.
i'm now the teacher with a small
cubicle at my workplace. i wince
at heteronormativity and homo-
phobia swallowed by other of color
youth and adults... all the time.
i must learn to rid this,
to expel colonization out
of me, to remain loving and
compassionate, yet stern and
knowledgable in moments even when
they are "just words." i have to
explain to every student who
gives a queasy glance at my desk
that allisonjoy is my life partner.
we're not bestfriends or like
sisters, no- she's not related
to me. often you can look over
to my desk and see students
dizzily walking away, as if they
were just struck with something
hard and unfamiliar. eventhough
befuddled faces make for good
conversation, the occasional
student who passes by unstunned
by some framed photos, eases the
day.

3.
almost like a countdown, ten
days of what would've been my
ma's birthday. i'm squeezing my
heart shut. on day of the dead my
chosen pamilya and i made circle
and altar, made quiet candlelit
silence learning acceptance.

---------------------------------------



[oct 8, 2007]
i am not getting mail at my new
address.the plight of moving may
include many things like lost
packages, letters, even lost bills.
noone can give me an honest answer
about where anything is, as i dragged
myself to 3 different post offices.
decidedly since my move i have
gained a deeper respect for "midwest
nice." customer service is a funny
thing as i bumble around with my 'please'
and 'thank yous,' as my brazen sweeps
along my words faster than this
leaving summer.

i have no exciting news for you all.
it's autumn now and today might be
the last day to peak in the late
80's. i like new york city's china-
town. i call o and ask her to meet me
there after work, after long days
trying to understand how i fit or
how i don't. the chicago exodus of
friends keeps me aware of my move,
acknowledges my roots as i seem to
re-fashion myself again and again.

my birthday happened with a sore
mouth and i was surrounded in home-
cooked food, singing late into the
night. we did not have a magic-mic
so we made do without the terrible
backdrops. i don't feel 26. i feel
more like 14, or 17 without the body
or the necessity to jump off of
things.

i will write something else soon.
please pass me autumn recipes as
my diet has comprised of mostly desi
food from restaurants and buffets.
i want to begin cooking again...
however do expect some restaurant
reviews and critiques coming this
way soon.

holla back,
k.

---------------------------------------



[Sep 7, 2007]
new jersey windchimes are no different,
small bells spinning to wind and tree
song. don't know how catastrophically
different the midwest is over the east
coast even though o and i sit hunching
heavy long days in union square. the sky
is smaller here & the world seems as
crumpled and slim as the millions of tiny
apartments crowd landscape. i hear salsa
y merengue everywhere here, just like
chicago. i pace brooklyn after filling out
paperwork for my new job, hovering
over summer street festivals, mofongo
in tins. i scan hipsters in their smooth
bicycles and call e saying disheartedly,
"are we somewhere in between?"

she's in the cusp of chicago to LA,
binding notes and immersions and
articles for a panel she's presenting at the
tongue to tongue conference. i
don't tell her to scoop me up once her plane
is on its way. i just reply with headnods
as i galavant expensive organic food markets.

JOMA is detained now and i'm picking
up salad dressings, comparing prices, hold
up boxes of granola to note protein counts.
my furniture is somewhere snug in a
truck in careening new england and
i read the news for updates of hope.
GMA is laughing in her sleep. GMA is
laughing in her sleep. me forgetting woes
and worries in grocery aisles, others paying
so much worse.

i am not buying any of these brand names:
Knorr, Becel/Flora, Bertolli, Lipton, Blue Band,
Rama, Country Crock, Doriana, Heartbrand,
Hellman�s, Amora, Calv�, Wish-Bone,
Slim�Fast, Cif, Comfort, Domestos, Omo,
Radiant, Sunlight, Surf, Axe, Dove, Lifebuoy,
Lux, Rexona, Pond�s, Signal, Close Up,
Sunsilk, and Vaseline.

they are connected to the dutch industries that
have deep motivating interest in U.S.-Philippine
politics. these corporations impacts push Jose
Maria Sison (JOMA) into netherlands law enforce-
ment.

please read more:

dutch-philippine relations,
the ties that bind.

i miss my pamilya in the midwest and
wandering about chinatown for quiet.

*pouring change & wanting to fast forward,
k.

---------------------------------------
[Aug 20, 2007]

goddess build me with integrity to build
hope. goddess manifest joy within
my communities & within myself.
for real goddess, let me claim what
i deserve to give to my pamilyas.

i've always considered myself to be
at the very least, an honest & authentic
person. even if i hurt people or
myself, i have tried to sharpen
the tools to be present in my ways.
sometimes, people give you props,
ask you to speak longwindedly
on panels, encourage your voice.
other times, not so much. this is
where i sit down with my chili and
corn muffin accepting convictions
as raindrops tilt along the glass pane.

the Chicago Freedom School Ceremony
flowed smoothly last friday. all the
students brought force, generated such
dope performance. the concerns in
their communities had breadth and
voice that uplifted their families, the
staff, their friends. it was the first institute,
with many kinks and difficulties that
were hardly visible on that stage. i loved
to just swim in the students' findings,
their responses the filling questions
into the auditorium.

in nujeru now after a short trip to
boston. allisonjoy sung for her grrl's
wedding and she added such goodness,
such love ruckus with that voice of hers.
i am not musical-- not formally or currently,
so people like her amaze me with my
jumbled discordant fast feet. we stayed with
our homegrrl jessica who was utterly
sweet. she opened up her home after
just meeting at the summit. sometimes i
wish i could portal to cities chicago or
boston for the wee pamilya we build,
but i know that the moments in between
are worth the couple of hours on the
plane. i like the sound of having
another place to land. i like the sound
of offering my home and nourish to
people who are powerful spirits.

gonna be lugging around boxes as soon
as i get back to chicago. gonna sieve
through old pamphlets, doodads, keepsakes
and disposables. gonna realize a new
apartment in the east coast surrounded in
filipino restaurants! we had the first meal
at my apartment. we laid down a malong,
said blessings, cupped rice with our hands,
i asked goddess to give our movements
strength, to hold elvira as she gets the u.s.
government's brunt-- all their corrupt
pushing her to tijuana. i asked for all the rest
of us brown/queer/immigrant survivors,
being pared down to size, down to
an unbearable quiet. how we are threatened
as our pamilyas are given statutes or blank
authorizations by strangers. how our lovers
or daughters hold the blows of distance
like chants-- roaring over and over.
i ate my adobo and tortang talong
while laughing skipping the green
walls, into the heads of my pamilya
in this new space. it was just the 3 of us,
scraping food by fingertip. we do as we
can to create new homes. we box up
our possessions and store them with unlit
inspirations and altar mumblings like spurt
rainstorms on dry soil. sometimes
having a roof over our head in the
rain is the only answer we have.

chicago, i am leaving you soon.


---------------------------------------
[July 21, 2007]
what's good peoples?!

been rustling my way from new york city and back, re-orienting myself as far as classrooms, the usual summer.

thanks to everyone who made it out
to dyke mic 2.0 @ Center on
Halstead. the gayborhood in chicago
has a huge space-- basketball
courts, theater, kitchen, all
beautious & in the heart of boystown.
the crowd at the dyke mic was
bountiful and as the rain
poured onto the roof, i thanked
goddess for whatever she spins
my way. i thanked her for the
poems she offers to breathe within
and for the patience to carry them.
some poems people kicked were raw.
a favorite thing: watching queer
folks of color perform and roll their
energy onto the stage. so good.

i'm making lists about to do as i
leave chicago. that's right. i said
it, i'm leaving. as is my sista
olivia. lastnight we sang loud loud,
near a projector and made collages and
ate tres leches cake. could it be
better than that? could learning
about my homeland & about womyn/queer
fierce get any better than this?
this is the chicago i write poems for.
she's got my back and passes the
hotsauce before i make reach. she
photocopies poems & curriculums
late into morning for cheap. she
makes hardwood sounds to remind
me spirits are about whether the
altar is lit or not.

the journey of staying and going:
i have decided to rigorously clean
every room once every 2/3 days.
it is time for packing and ridding.
how do you shed and distinguish
what stays and goes? 16 years is
plenty of time develop your story,
it's artifacts fixed and growing in
numbers. give me moving tips.
seriously, how do you move from
somewhere you have been all of your
life? it's finished. the decision
is made, but exactly how? i'm open
to ideas or theories. feel free
to email me:

info@kaybarrett.net



---------------------------------------
[July 2, 2007]
new poem to be revised

once there was a palm reader,
a fortune teller.
on a summer night she took my mother's
folded money to deliver this advice:


"you will die in water, you will
be surrounded and unable to
escape."


later it would be me in orange
floaties hugged at the bicep,
showing my mama my moves as
she clapped from a fair distance.


much later, fluid complication
in the lungs, esophogus as
zealous as a water hose,
arteries as determined as rainclouds.


it would be hospital room 203 at
the brink of rainy season in
dagupan city.


i wonder if she could see the
window pane rifle a rhythm
she hadn't seen since childhood.


i wonder as the i.v. dripped a
slow beat, as she poured into
her own self


if thunder was song enough,
if she understood
--she was finally home.



---------------------------------------
[June 20, 2007]

1.
they have me sticking tongue
depressors (a.k.a giant popsicle sticks)
between my teeth. about 4 interns
at NYU School of Dentistry and a
faculty member hovered over me
to see how many i "could do".
my mouth extension is pitiful. i've
had multiple infections and doped
up by prescription medication that i
stink of it from the pores. my
mouth muscles are sore.
crunchy things hurt to eat, so i
am eating fruit like honeydew all
the time. though i love honey dew,
i love salty and savory foods,
most of which are crunchy.
i'd do anything for a garlic bagel
chip.

1.5
my partner is super mighty and
grounds and loves and
warms me. due to mouthstupid
(which is what i will call it from now on),
i haven't been exciting, engaging, mostly
drugged and recovering from the
philippines. besides this, we laugh
over movie nights and switch glances
when we both agree that something
is wack or annoying, partners move
a language unsaid. her hands on my
head is a miracle of a feeling.

2.
going back home was a mess of beautiful
confusion. it's different to be guarded
everywhere you go in the provinces
and then hold hands with your partner
on a tricycle in manila. i had several
mangosteens, santol, and mangoes.
i learned about herbs and healing in
my mother tongue in quezon city. i
held my breath in tarlac. i swam and
swam and snorkled and swam.

3.
my deepest apologies to everyone
who went to homolatte in chicago(yesterday)
or to the community renewal project
conference(tomorrow). because of
mouthstupid i have to cancel speaking
engagements and performances. i can
hardly take a bite out of an apple
versus perform a full set or sit on a
panel


---------------------------------------
[May 14, 2007]

Vote for the GABRIELA WOMEN"S PARTYLIST!

[May 12, 2007]

fact:
in august 1977 cesar chavez, the president
of the UFW (United Farm Workers Movement)
went on a trip to the philippines funded
by the Marcos dictatorship. he chatted,
visited, and received a Special Presidential
Award from marcos himself. if chavez at
all understood international labor movements
in countries like the philippines, if he
built an understanding with the manongs in
UFW, he'd realize that his trip erased his
filipino constituents. after all, filipinos
only started the farmworker's movement,
before dolores huerta even set foot as vice
president.

fact:
Filipino/as are the second largest
immigrant population in the united
states and growing.

fact:
2/3 of the immigrant population in
this nation is woman-identified.

fact:
filipina women remit over $12 billion
a year as they are abroad in hong
kong, u.s., canada, greece, you name it.


i know my her/history.
i can list facts, i've trained myself
to arm myself, load them on the words
i write and spit out statistics like
other people are supposed to understand
teh breadth of numbers.

but they don't.

my mayday was ridiculous. i waited almost
FOUR hours for a promised speaking
engagement at the Chicago MAYDAY rally.

but instead of being maturely notified,
i waited, without any organizer, volunteer,
emcee telling me and after the third
time of inquiring when i was scheduled,
i was told i was cut from the program.

in all the speeches, no one made any
effort to name the Asian-Pacific Islander
community. They did name the Irish however
and had Daly talk about his big huge
plan to infiltrate teh southside of
chicago with the 2016 and what diversity
that is!

there were no women-led, women based
organizations. all the performances were
young straight men, with exception to
the azteca dancers. there was not-- I REPEAT
not one Asian-Pacific Islander
group or collective represented through
out the program.

Asians don't exist! Pacific Islanders?
what's that? the city of chicago has the
largest filipina medical nurse population
in the entire country and not one APIA
person to speak for it? not one APIA
person to discuss how this country's
depleting policies are affecting us by
the thousands?

in chicago asian and pacific-islander
people are not brown. in chicago asian-
pacific islander people are not valid in
leftist politics. in chicago we work and
toil, but our struggles are only valid to
us.

i see now that coalitioning is a hard
effort in this city, especially with
straight biological male leadership in
most of the immigrant organizing.

chicago, for so many reasons, i am
divorcing you and i do not have the energy
in me to work with you any longer.




---------------------------------------
[MayDay, 2007]

this will be difficult.

i remember clearly last year, how
the core felt when we chanted, when
it was chicago mangotribe and close
friends, the ache of urgency we felt,
we still feel. our poems were more
than some spit canon, ammunition, more
than what puts food on the table. we,
a part of a swarm, a mass of moving
thriving bodies that wanted more from
this country.

and we still do. some moments i know
the chants are pent up, stuck at the
kidney, lodged around a rib, our
childhoods or mother's stories, our
evidence of hard work and circles around
the eyes; we are going to march and
protest and everyday speak about the
corruption we face, our neighborhoods,
our friends, our families have faced.

last year i was asked by a fox news anchor:
when did this all start? i mean alot
of you are very passionate.

like our efforts of protest can be
pathologized or single, or this one time
we got off our asses. we've been working
our asses off all our lives, learned
this by trade of our parents, grandparents,
and resistance happens everyday.

wiping your tables, sewing your clothes,
teaching your kids, growing your food,
watching over the baby, cracking knuckles
over factory metal, washing dishes, you
know that amerika can't function without
us and still, people just become a cheap
labor force.

my ma last year couldn't attend mayday
because she was sleeping for a 9 hour shift
at some bank where she would stuff
envelopes, pass the checks around of richer
people, she slept with the touch of other
people's earnings. she died being too tired
and too silenced by the amerikan dream.
not given the resources to speak up, doing
work that was not honest to her spirit,
not being paid enough for it, working
for one hospital bill to the next.
this country killed her. i wrote it
last year, i will write it again. on the
petty side, i made more in college part time.

i know there are queer people out there
who can't risk their jobs and mothers
who've got to get to work on time, or
girls whose bosses are closed doors
late paychecks, friends who will work
all their lives and who are forced out,
workers with families who need the health
resources here to survive, or people
who never are allowed to negotiate
their value or time or work conditions.
from the slightly annoyed to the
completely ridiculed and exploited, people
who for some reason by choice or immediacy
can march today, we march for everyone.

that's right.
i'm queer
i'm filipina
i was raised working class
i'm 2nd generation immigrant
and oh yes, there are thousands more.

.....BOO!



---------------------------------------
[29, April 2007]

after two scoops of icecream(coffee &
butter pecan)w/raspberry topping & hot
fudge, one grilled cheese, and a
16 oz. bottle of aloe vera
beverage, i am hyped to say that
my mood has confusing aaaalllll day.

today i made tape and cardboard
kiss, to help a good friend move out of
her logan square apartment. difficult
foreshadowing this was, newspapers
crumpled in boxes stacked to a height
as high as my forehead. i will miss
chicago when i go, miss how it smells,
how the wind is determined to lift
you up from the balls of your feet, to
give us humans humility.

thank you to everyone who made it out
to the hothouse this 26th for YWCA's
She Speaks Volumes! y'all were
into poems and honored some really
pivotal womyn in the Chicago Anti-Violence
movement. thanks to YWCA for letting me
move about the stage and intro some
interesting and accomplished people.
hot house was ofcourse such a treat
to work in, it's as if it is chicago's
better performance spaces. the Institute
for the Study of Women and Gender in the
Arts and Media, Columbia College was
also a treat to collaborate with.

had papa cach� with some friends
yesterday. this is a chicago recommend-
ation. there are few moments of outright
endorsement on this site, but papa cach�
is delicious. meat eaters, the chicken
is succulant, the jibaritos are dream worthy.
talkin' the politiks of observation; do
you believe in objectivity? in neutrality?
see me & jami seem to think that there
isn't such a thing. a person of color
is gonna see something different than
a white person, or to be complicated,
everyone's conditioning and life experi-
ence shape multiple views, yes? well
over tostones crisping in our mouths,
that's what we decided.

moving on, come on now, who doesn't
love the aroma of garlic after a meal?
an aroma emitting from every single
pore of your body. oh yes! thank
goddess allisonjoy and i are in
love and heart garlic, cause it would
be tacky to be sleeping next to someone
who you thought was odious. nope we sleep
content and garlic-coated.(in reference
to papa cach�'s food)

tomorrow i sit with my sisters and
talk about globalization and political
economics-- migrant women workers and
the affect of U.S. military in the
Philippines. we load our days with
post-its. we teach each other. we high-
light paragraphs & wince a little.
we align the theory with throatfuls
of concoctions we do on the fly or
were raised with since the creation
of our sense of taste. we tally up stats:
1/10 filipinas leave the homeland, 3/5
arrive back to the philippines in coffins.
they/we work to a sublime degree only
to hardly survive by an economy that
contorts heroism and pain to caucophonies
of paper, where us scholars and activist
do-gooders try to cross out every lie
we learned in amerikan public education,
every lie suppressed of our culture, we
chew rice grains and can hardly swallow.

morning time will be a hot shower,
a cup of tea, a sweeping of the living
room floors, i will pass the altar
for my mother and move half tip-toe
around an apartment i've had for years.
i will greet my friends/sisters/comrades
in cheek kisses, croon over potluck
jubilation and then, we will get down
to the business of re-learning.

what lies do you unlearn, let
decompose so the exploration can
peek its head into reality? that
sounded weird. what i meant to say
is, when you strip the racist,
sexist, queerphobic lies off of you,
how do you make sure they don't
get back in?

reading isn't enough. it
drives me apathetic or mindless.

i love ending my journals with such
uplifting messages. it's a gift, i know.

*k.

ps. i have never gotten into the "L"
Word. i am only on season 1 & though
the absence of color pisses me off,
i think bette has redeeming qualities.

[24, April 2007]

hello summer hunger;
my teaching season has ended in rogers
park. senn high school was a flurry
of swinging words and flickering
anger. no, literally. i couldn't stand
the word like razor-thin, faggot.
not on the tongue of a girl student
as her face gets gnarled by said-fag
they already in too deep, they
already black and criminalized,
thirsty of a blank journal page.
so he chucked in slut and
whore for good measure. their
eyes bloodshot. their eyes in havoc
by fear. three instructors and a
couple security guards later, my class
is rubbing the words off, not able
to get back to poem, to the group
pieces due the following week.

sis, i know you were mad, but the
anger isn't supposed to let you
loose unstoppable as you scream
words you don't understand. right?
i was holding her back, telling
her she better stop her rage, her
two faggot teachers, don't approve of
that language.

admittance:
a boy wanted to kiss, more like
exoticize a girlfriend and i--
imagine 1990's. you know the song,
straight boys sing when they are
all about lesbians... he taunted us
every class we had, now i see it was
sexual assault, but he was endless with
graphic 'descriptions' about what
he would do to us, what could
turn us straight. i tripped
him once. the opportunity came
and he had sped down the stairs
next to me, all packing, shuffling
to hurry on to trig, gym, or chem,
i managed to trip him down the stairs.

a milli-second after he whispered
dyke. it's evil. my fists were
used to punching skin. i wanted payback.
years and years of rage, of not fitting,
of hushed bold, of teasing, and of
institutional everything--racism, sexism,
poverty, silence.

i'm not gonna say the poems are
always gonna keep you, console you,
even harbor you. but there are other ways.

2007:
the cops were paddywagon ready, the
doors all hungry to swallow up the
black fag and black whore, respectively.
they didn't want to know what trigg-
ered the incident, they didn't care.
just more of color youth to fill the
handcuffs. there will be no therapy,
no trainings on anger or racism or
homophobia, you bet no supportive
counseling. just keep them off of
school grounds, so the cops can arrest
them another time, so they can have
their guardians beat them, or they can
be judged by another nice white staff
member who writes the discipline
reports and shakes their head to
another black teen, of course wayward.

this is why i am careful with my
tools, these words. this is why i
cherish the friendships and family
i create because we have to stick
together, for our own justice, because
we were raised ornery and without
resources to urge the ornery and
it's not as simple as oops, that was
a bad word.

the final closing ceremony for my
students pulled through wonderfully.
group pieces were on-point and cue,
they centered and projected and
let their stories weave into the
bellies of their audience. they
each stepped up their delivered
all the mighty within. they gave
props, laughed, gave each other
radiance. i still felt the student we
missed. i wanted to her to see that
the words are worth it, that you can
manifest something more durable, more
world-bound than fear and fists.

i am flying kites to heal, celebrating
my partner's ways as she grows as a
healer, letting the sunlight in.

what have you done to string yourself
together? let's swap notes.

*to feet on land & resistance awake,
k.


---------------------------------------
[8, April 2007]

what's good peoples;
my many thanks to providence and boston
audiences as the mangos w/chili tour swept
new england with glamor, stanzas, and
good spirits.

providence:
i've never been to providence before,
only know this part of amerika by way of
television and hearsay, so it was dope to
receive support from people in a city
i've never met before. love to adam for
lending us your home space, your
stories and open insights. the black
repertory theater was a personal and
smaller venue, made me feel closer
to the crowd, made it feel like cipher
intimate. the show was quicker, the
tour members on top of cues and over
all, i dug this night. providence
is small, mostly white. every city,
an adventure, yes?

boston:
thank you amanda for the best seafood
of my entire life!

i have been missing the phone calls
from mile to mile. last year this time,
i was all over philly, gigging east
again, blending pangasinan and tagalog
with odd colonial formal names like
'swarthmore.' no matter what, i could
call my ma, she'd be concerned per
usual with parental curiousities---
have i eaten, where am i, who am i with
am i having a good time, did i feel
good when i performed, am i happy...
everytime i seem to land at a new
theater, hear a new poem lit from the
stage, i feel drawn to call her, give
her updates, tell her about seafood
restaurants or which crowd i felt the
closest to. i have not been too closeknit
with other poets/performers on this
tour because in the last year i have
become such a closed person. i guess
now that i don't have someone to call
i reserve all my mighty for the stage

spontaneous celebrations was a gorgeous
community space, the murals and wood
everywhere kinda reminded me of insight
arts and albizu-campos combined. i wish
i could've spent more time in the space,
looked at workshops and programs offered,
it annoys me how performers sweep in
and out of cities without touching
pulse or communal rejoice.

in boston, the poems were rich. i loved
watching audience respond to the range
and difference of each person's work.
from the thick prose of victor, to the
intricate narratives that dulani offered,
to ignacio's brazen and to tom's bold
use of space, i like queers of color
holding their own. what was unsuprising,
was the presence of white people in the
space. in the front rows, all i wanna
see are people of color. after
all it is a show dedicated to queers of
color, so why not step back? during
interviews i've been constantly asked
'who is my audience?' well to answer
that question: queer filipino/as and
queers of color. this doesn't mean that
other communities or identities cannot
make connections with my work, but i am
meant to nourish my own. in college,
i was always tokenized by straight brown
people for being a homo/woman-identified
and in white feminist communities for
being brown. naturally, i've hated this
exoticized way, this oriental gaze on me.

going back to chicago tomorrow, going
to get back to loud classrooms and
students extracting metaphors from lyrics
and epistles and group poems. i miss my
own bed. i miss the simplicity of
chicago, i miss jibaritos and cheap
horchata when i want it. i will miss
cardplaying and diner food with my
partner, true i will miss the turon
and tagalog across the corner, but i'll
soon be all in the east coast for good.
might as well lavish in the midwest this
spring, the parts i wanna fall hard for
always make their way by summer.

*to diner pancakes done right,
k. ulanday barrett.


---------------------------------------
[2, April 2007]

gorgeous shifters;

thank you thank you for coming out
to swarthmore college and to
galapagos for mango tribe's 5 year
anniversary!

1)
i love energy to eat things up,
harness focus on so many words
entering this universe for power,
i love it.
2)
the hustle, the on-the-road hustle
and gas station pauses before perf-
orming are hella comical. i've been
feeling sick, outta my own range,
coughing too much for any performer.
but the prince's musicology album is
good to me with the volume up with the
obligational roadtrip sun are good
decongestants.
2.3)
i love performing 'rhythm is a dancer.'
mostly because people think that because
a piece has upbeat discussions about
dancing, it can't possibly incite
racism or fear or displacement-- never
these issues in white gay liberal
politics. ha. suuurrrpprrriiiise!
3)
the intensely nasty and unprofessional
tech issues (clearly in theater, lights,
sound, and projection are intrinsic
to the art)during the swarthmore
performance was a hard first step.
i don't want to ever have one of my
peers be unsupported in that way, there's
no integrity about it, no collective,
no support. performing is serious, our
work is warrior blood, our stories
feed our bellies and elate hearts.
in future shows, i need to see stronger
tech support and logistical support.
4)
been eating filipino food hella.
mmmmmmmmMMM. SO. good.
5)
again i am falling in love with the
east coast, but i wish my midwest pamilya
could see all this commotion. i miss them.
oh and a belated happy born-day to my
grrl olivia.
6) oh. more on mango tribe later yes?
yes yes y'all. i'm going to write
more soon, but first, some more filipino
food. this cannot be good for my colon.

*love without a blink,
k.


---------------------------------------
[31, March 2007]

peoples of the world;
TODAY:
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Lang Concert Hall at Swarthmore College
(500 College Ave, Swarthmore PA)
7:30 PM- 9:30 PM
Free admission!!!

also catch me scurry from
williamsburg for the Mango Tribe
5th Anniversary Show -- RE:TELLING.

the mighty flyness of these combined
brooklyn fiascos make me speechless.

honestly, i could just be tired.
i did however write an eloquently grandeur
journal entry, but this computer in
jersey city gobbled it up for early
morning breakfast. i will see you all
later of course, right? riiiiiight.

*to being & claiming,
k.


---------------------------------------
[21, March 2007]

hello peoples;

here's some footage from the university
of wisconsin performance for women's
month!

here i lay the truth-- i can dance
AND move for performance. i have this
awkward story about being age 7 or so
dressed as a bumblebee in a ballet
recital, long story short, i fell in
the orchestra pit. it was more like
i was pushed by the hot pink wearing
blonde kiss up, tracy something. she
busted my stinger in front of everyone!
trauma and drama with bumblebee wings.

anyway:




after sharing the bumble bee incident,
i expect to see you all at my shows
end of this month, yes?

my students writing prompts today
were: we can slowly take control
of our lives... and/or amerika
slowly comes to see...

the words they came up with are sheer
goodness.

*to early morning kisses,
k.


---------------------------------------
[15, March 2007]

hello peoples;

a happy belated international womyn's
day (march 8th) to all of you. may
our ancestors and mamas and cousins
and all of us grow harmony and
ferocity. may we come correct for
our spirits and this universe.
may we create justice in our stories,
relationships, movements, and laughter.

chicago has it's way of having bright
sun right about when i need it,
right about when i get too sunken.

mango tribe performed at university
of milwaukee as their kick-off for
international womyn's day and let
me say, we did real well. the audience
an amalgam of old grandparents and
undergraduate college students. the crowd
could have been bigger, but wisconsin
had it's way with snowstorms that
evening. my energy was fiery, hungry
to embody the stories and give them
freely, to spin and dance and move
melt my body into circles and arcs,
spit the words clear and full. the
energy my mangotribe sisters and i
create is fundamental to me, grounding
and giving, stretching my stuck parts
as they deserve.

what do you do to get into your body?
yes, we all wander and neutrally understand
our basic movements- spoon to the mouth,
walking left foot forward then right,
your fingers locking up the buttons to
the neck. but how do you re-discover
shapes or dancing in your body?

gonna put up some gigs happening all
first week of april. oh the east coast,
i'm traveling and kicking poems all over
you this spring. hopefully i will run
into some good peoples. if you know any
friends, girlfriends, homies, & the like
in philly, new york, boston, providence, &
northampton tell them something real
brown and real queer is burning through.

*to strengths within that want out,
k. ulanday barrett


-------------------------------------------
[8, February 2007]

hello pamilya;

have some working gigs potentially
in the air. have been pushin' some
spirit to get work full on my plate.
have about ninemillion layers on
in the process.

check out some live poems
recorded by AAC Films. the
footage includes a reading of
"for^in" and "since my body." enjoy
them with to your poet hungry
indulgence& leisure.

been writing so much on random things
like rosie o'donnell (i know stereotypical),
lilac bushes, unfinished letters(which i
may never send), and also a letter to my
future puppy, whose name will be
cornbread.

i am trying to alleviate this flu
cough that's up to no good with my body.
when i was younger my father used to
hack up and i thought it was his
usual nicotine ways. he was a leather
jacket greaser with motorcycle, so
cigarettes were a part of his "cool."
my ma upto her last years coughed
tremendously, her chest spoke
tidal wave. for her years of who
knows- racism, work, lonely, her homo
for kid, selfless and selfishness
fought inside her, until her body
gave up. same with my dad... but different.
that's another story entirely, yes?
needless to say, i loathe coughing

i have started teaching poetry
afterschool this winter. the
students are poem gulping, they get in
on time, they challenge their voices
and they laugh at my jokes. so far, so
lovely. i do miss coaching pedro alb�zu-
campos high school slam team. it will be my first year not to do it and i am
reminiscing...

take care ya'll. don't overdose on
lozenges, please.

*oh goodness & oh justice,
k. ulanday barrett.


-----------------------------------------
[22, January 2007]

happy new year everyone;

winter has proved to be stupidly warm until
now. at least that is how chicago is doing.
spent some of my holiday in jersey city/nyc/
harlem with family out there who made me
delicious platefuls of perfect plantain,
coconut rice, & yucca. my belly was quite
satisfied perusing the usual food joints
of my desire.

for people who do not know me, food
is a vice of mine. i can be the glutton
if so encouraged.

healing bulletin: black sesame and lychee
icecream have been fighting against
my missing my ma and winter blues.

**********Keep y'head up:

1) my presskit will be ready with some
suprises by this march too.

2) University of Milwaukee, WI is
bringing mango tribe in to kick our
regular fierce and sample some
work with the students on March 1st.

3) look out for new poems in the next week.
your clue: gays on public transportation.

4) a new project called "mangoes with chili"
is planned to perform in boston,
oakland, and east coast this April
2007. go on, check it out--
myspace.com/mangoswithchili

i am happy to be a part of this
brown queer gala of sorts.
we're still planning the tour,
so contact us.

*to love & light everyone,
k. ulanday barrett



-----------------------------------
[13, December 2006]

friends & people adorned in winter hats;

got tremendous makings during these
wee winter hours. also, a belated love
to everyone on International Human Rights
Day (Dec. 10th) and a holla to my sis,
rebecca on her birthday.

gotta gig tomorrow.. have some new pieces
in my pocket, let's see what happens.

curiousity:
do you ever feel absolutely stuck?
too much internet, too many letters
from the homeland that hurt, too many
poems that ache, a few students making
attempts at poems to shake nightmares,
you feel your art stagnant, & other
people almost ridiculously insulting,
plus we all know the gloom of chicago's
winters aren't the most chipper of climates. aside from usual spendthrift or
wasteful trappings...what do you do?

make a list of aspects that grow you,
pile them up, ration your laughter
entangled moments, your favorite
bites of meals, the breath of a lover
within you and find something that
engulfs... something that honors you,
takes your sacred and brings you back
to yourself, allows your roots to
magnify and celebrate.

thank you to the dope artists that
restore, my students that revive,
my all kinds of pamilya that hold,
my partner that is mighty, the earth
for her patience, the universe for goin'
on & on, and you for your own bravado.
reciprocity people, ya heard?!

*to all kinds of nutrients,
k.


------------------------------------
[20, October 2006]

shakers & movers;



i have two works published in the We Got Issues compilation. new yorkers, scurry
to bluestockings! run everyone! to your local
bookstore!

others in the book:
GirlStory, Suheir Hammad, Sarah Little Crow
Russell, Aya de L�on, Allisonjoy, Yvonne O.
Etaghene, & Jen Cenda�a Armas

thank you everyone for the support and push for my work. (journal) students are magical and future see-ers.
they tell you their lives like a page
written jittery is more than confession.
only three weeks into it and their puffed
jackets and popped collars look teachers
in the eye like past lives, give us
acknowledgement, mix ink and tear,
the careful chemists, we handle explosions
everyday and everyday there is an
element in there stanzas that have
the potential to explode hearts.

*to pumpkin seeds & warm selves,
kay.


-----------------------------------------
[15, September 2006]

"we arrived at my mother's island
to find your mother's maiden name in stone
we did not need to go to the graveyard
for affirmation
our own geneologies
the language of childhood wars...
-audre lorde, Home

it was my first birthday since my ma
passed. i don't think the word "died" has
an ability in my mouth.

in addition to rambling with insurance
companies that do not where the
philippines is located, i did have my
share of glorious food with pamilya
& friends along with the vivacious
hours of board gaming with my partner.

tradition was broken: no pretend-to-be
-upwardly-middleclass and eat at
Red Lobster for my birthday. a
convention brought early on by my mother.
i would've probably damn near cried in
my crableg bib, anyway. best to shed
tears of mixed emotion in the
home. best to do so with a partner who
writes and sings you a blues song.

questions are bundling up now, it is
autumn. plans for my poetry and work
are on the accelerated path now that i
am both teaching and gigging again.

thank you to everyone for your support,
your spirit in the struggle, your
hope.

---------------------------------------
[11, August 2006]

"Just do what you got to do; if that
don�t work, then kick the facts
If you a fighter, rider, biter,
flame-ignitor, crowd-exciter
Or you wanna jus� get high, then
just say it
But then if you a liar-liar,
pants on fire, wolf-crier,
agent wit� a wire
I�m gon� know it when I play it.."
-- dead prez, hip-hop



my friends, poet-ers, & homies all around;

i am exhausted. what about you?
what do you say to someone who
says this in your community?
"well, we can't really prove what
happened. we don't know this person,
these are just allegations."

when we live in a world that silences
brown people's voices, youth testimony
as valid and informative, AND
minimizes women's empowerment
----i will eliminate these cuttings
of our lives. i will not reinforce
complacency or give power to spaces of
privilege. i will hold a young brown
woman's voice to support the room, the
utmost validity, the choice, the struggle
that it takes to honor actions. we can
only offer our integrity. marginalized
people are again and again caught
in harmful trappings that deplete our
truths, that conquer and divide us.

question: can we afford not to believe her?
our art means nothing if it is not honest
and supportive to the people it serves.
she is not alone, rape cannot be
pathologized. we see it as a tool
of war damaging our peoples
demonstrated by the current rape trial
in subic bay by way of the the u.s.
military, as some of us teachers/mentors/
students are survivors of sexual assault &
violence. if we name it, this violence,
if we name it, as it infests our artistic
and activist communities, i promise
it can be stopped.

-to community accountability,
k.

resources:
http://www.rapevictimadvocates.org/
http://www.mujereslatinasenaccion.org/
http://www.icasa.org/
http://bulatlat.com/news/5-40/5-40-rape.htm
http://bulatlat.com/news/5-40/5-40-marines.htm


----------------------------------------

[New Poem- 19, July 2006]

Our middlenames: a letter to Maria Clara
by k. ulanday barrett 2006


Maria Clara---
Every other Filipina
in the world bores your sounds,
customarily a middle name

Some mary, most marie
both make their way to your
curse of hard heart softened
by the blows of your male counter parts

as they lifted your skirt,
dirtied linens can be stained and rinsed,
where our middle names sit on the muck-raked
pages we read
and
we want nothing to do with it.

how can we be pure
if we are split open gashes by everyone--
spain, our brothers,
page 54, that painting,

your name, maria,
makes my sisters teeth grind
in their sleep.

warding off the rosaries
slivering round throats,
does not matter if we womyn live
does not matter if we womyn think
as long as we pray.
And your man, jos� rizal
has not died in all his languages.

b-boys embellish the same tongue of rebellion,
university students sprinkled in tabaos grip
placards so fresh the paint still weeps,

jos� in all radical clamor
and some beautiful men
use every teaching
write womens lives for them.

So he wrote, in his novel Ch. 5:

"an Oriental decoration,
her eyes. . . always downcast,"

you, doncella as a sweetheart
not a word from you,
limbs not for raised fists
or armed rifle or for dancer or poet hours.

Our men have learned his ways

Made Baton out of books,
beating us stupid with subservience.
Jos� got us crying all the damn time.

Telling us to
step back, photocopy this,
stay with the kids
Womens concerns have nothing to do w/ the movement.

When the Messiah of the Revolution
said a true Filipina must be
Well-educated

did he roll over
your India hair until it quietly convulsed,
the curls only dreams now.
your old tongue banished by conquistador splinters
broken village twang
forced
proper-like.

The Spaniard friars with their pious and
their colleg�os
crossed out the homegrown
machetes and oceans and words awake in you.

Did you toss and turn at night until
the babaylan priestesses
sung ritual as blanket ?

Did you know what a nightmare you would become?

Maria--
What did you say?
What notes on the margins of your books
stung your husband in secrecy?
What part of the sacrifice did you just want to
walk away from?

when they take you away and
hundreds of years from now
you are only
but a few
sentences in
the true Filipino novel,
----we understand.

Your well-traveled name
varnishes girls in suburban station wagons to
the florescent lights in the malls of dagupan, manila,
san francisco.

Customarily a middle name
Some Mary, most Marie.

we are raising our voices,
re-writing your epigram as daily as
boiling rice grains and prayer,

as you watch over us, ancestor wit
yo kinked hair,
your barrio banter blazin
mountain thick with resource and brown.

We marias and maries and marys
are writing our own stories,
so when you welcome us, after all the hard work is done

we will quote ourselves
we will sing our names
we will walk honoring you and all our pamilyas
we will not become fiction

and we warn this world
to never misspell our legacies again.